My Baby is Healthy (and so am I) and That’s All That Matters: A Pediatrician’s Perspective

I didn’t have the easiest pregnancy; for one thing, I was considered a geriatric pregnancy, given that medicine was my second career, and I waited until after residency to get pregnant. 

I also have a history of depression and anxiety; thankfully, my depression was under control during pregnancy, but my anxiety certainly wasn’t – it worsened when I learned I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (likely due mainly to my advanced maternal age). 

In my mental preparations to have my baby, there was one thing I was always sure of: I would certainly attempt to breastfeed my child, but if it didn’t work out, that would be okay because, in my clinical experience, formula-fed babies did just fine. Furthermore, from the years of my struggles with my mental health, I learned the importance of choosing my battles, and it simply wasn’t worth it to me to agonize over breastfeeding if it didn’t come easily.   Continue reading

My Baby Scream-Cried The Entire Second Night In The Hospital

My name is Amber, and I am the mother of a charming, beautiful, and vivacious baby boy. I want to share with you a story: the story of my son’s birth and his first few months earthside. It is a multidimensional story full of love and heartbreak, but I think it’s important that other new mothers hear it. I hope they will know they are not alone if their early motherhood experiences are not what they always dreamed of.

I was working in an emergency room as a nurse and heading into my second-to-last semester of school to become a nurse practitioner. My husband and I had only been trying to conceive for a month. Because I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and irregular periods, I figured getting pregnant would take longer, but there I was on September 1 with a positive test. We were ecstatic. As a planner, I spent most of the next nine months thinking about and planning everything about my son’s birth. I consider myself a well-educated woman and medical professional, so it was no surprise that the heart of my plans included breastfeeding my son. I spent months researching the best pumps for when I had to return to work, deciding on a storage-and-feeding set, and learning about ways to strengthen the breastfeeding bond. Formula feeding never crossed my mind. After all, I was always told breast was best. Sure, I had some friends who gave some formula here or there, but I just knew I would be one of the ones who would exclusively breastfeed and pump for my son. Continue reading

I No Longer Judge Other Mothers; My Breastfeeding Challenges Have Absolutely Changed Me As a Mom, a Woman, And a Friend

As a nurse, I knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I learned everything I could about breastfeeding, and I just knew that it would work for us. In nursing school, we were told that anyone could breastfeed who wanted to and I believed it. I would not even consider the possibility of feeding my children in any way other than nursing and was extremely judgmental of anyone who did not breastfeed their children. I honestly thought they were lazy, selfish, and unwilling to do the work.  I lived by the mantra that “breast is best!” My son was born, and I was so excited to meet him and begin our breastfeeding journey.  Unfortunately, we struggled from the very beginning.  It was very difficult to get him to latch, and when he did, he wouldn’t stay on very long.  Eventually, our son became difficult to wake up, but the nurses responded to our frustrations by saying, “he must not be hungry!” By discharge, I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing. I bravely went home,  believing this was normal.  We would figure it out because “breast is best.”

Dehydration2My husband and I cried a lot during the first 24 hours at home. We fought to wake our sleepy newborn up, but we were rarely successful, and when we were, we couldn’t get him to eat. I kept on refusing to allow my husband to give our son any formula because I didn’t want it to ruin our breastfeeding relationship. We went to his newborn appointment when he was four days old. I knew at that point things weren’t going well but wasn’t prepared for the realities we were about to face. Our son had lost 13% of his body weight, he was hypothermic with a body temperature of 94.9, he was hypoglycemic, and had lost his reflexes. Our pediatrician looked at us with very sad eyes and kindly but firmly, explained our son was very sick and needed to eat now. Continue reading

I Had All of The Support In The World And Breastfeeding Still Didn’t Work.

They tell you that if you prepare enough, breastfeeding will work. They tell you that all you need is support, commitment, and trust in your body, and you will be successful. If only it were that simple.

What they don’t tell you is that your mammary biology can have limitations. I am that mom. 

I knew I might have issues. I had breast reduction surgery back in 2001, but had been told that using the right technique would preserve my ability to breastfeed. Nonetheless, I set out preparing to ensure I would be successful. Besides doing yoga, pilates, weight training, and exercise, I entered the midwife program and prepped diligently. I did prenatal workshops and tracked down a book on how to successfully be a breast feeding after reduction mom.

I hired a private lactation consultant for a session ahead of time. We talked about teas and tinctures, techniques, and diet to help my supply be optimal. (Note: there is no evidence that teas, tinctures, or foods increase milk supply). We talked about how I could use a supplemental nursing system if necessary. I read extensively and was convinced breastfeeding was the only way to feed my son to ensure his well-being, and I would have no problem breastfeeding because I had SUPPORT. 

Note: Unfortunately, she was not informed of all her significant risk factors and how to supplement her baby until her milk supply was enough to feed her baby safely. Breast reduction surgery requires specific management and interventions that she did not receive.

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This is What Lactivism Does to Parents and I Was Lucky to Hear the Words “Fed Is Best”

I am sharing my story because I know new parents are struggling with lactivism right now; they need to hear my story to protect themselves. It was lactivism that compromised my mental health, and it was lactivism that caused my child to suffer.

I thought lactivist rhetoric existed only on social media, but I was wrong. It’s also part of our medical institutions and is harming moms and babies. 

When I was pregnant, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to feed my baby, so I planned to try breastfeeding and switch to formula if it didn’t work. After her birth, my daughter had a difficult time breastfeeding. My nurse told me that babies are born to breastfeed, so I should keep trying until she does. I stayed up all night with her trying to breastfeed, but she just

wouldn’t for more than a few minutes and would fall back asleep.    Continue reading