Category: Formula Feeding

I Am Not a Formula Feeding Mom

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Writing helps me process my emotions. A few weeks ago, I wrote this, and have debated whether or not to share it, because sharing the things I write makes me feel really vulnerable. But, today I needed to reread it to remind myself that I am not a “formula-feeding mom”, I’m just a loving mother. I decided to go ahead and share it with you guys. I’m hoping that this can maybe help someone else who may need a reminder that motherhood is not defined by how we feed our babies!

Some days I have to remind myself that I am not a failure.

I didn’t fail at breastfeeding. I did not fail at being a mother.

Society and my inner voice may sometimes convince me that I came up short in the infant-feeding part of motherhood, but in the rare moments of clarity, I know that this is not true. I am confident in my decision to exclusively formula-feed my son.

You see, I didn’t start out motherhood with the goal of breastfeeding my son. It wasn’t my plan to exclusively pump. Nor was it my plan to formula-feed my baby. My only plan was to feed him.

 

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I Am The Mom Who Loved Formula Feeding My Baby And I Have No Regrets

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I pretty much knew I was going to be a formula feeding mom, even before I found out I was pregnant. I’d watched the struggle my sister went through to breastfeed, and I just knew that wasn’t something I wanted to put myself or my baby through. When I initially decided to formula-feed, I had NO IDEA of the stigma surrounding it. I always thought it  was pretty straight forward–formula or breast milk, just feed the baby. This was my first baby, so coming into the world of “Mommy” was a whole new experience for me. I joined on-line groups to learn the basics of pregnancy, and that’s when I first started seeing the “mommy wars” I’m now all too familiar with. At that point I didn’t really see how deep those wars went.

I was asked upon admission to the hospital whether I was formula or breastfeeding. I let them know I planned on formula feeding and signed papers stating such. I was in labor for nineteen hours and finally delivered a healthy 7lb 4oz baby boy. I was exhausted as I held my baby.  I looked down at him, and fell instantly in love. I then gave him to the nurse so he could be cleaned up and measured. Once he was bundled up, the nurse came in with a bottle of formula. I asked her to hand my son to my husband because he wanted to feed him. I held my baby inside me, felt him kicking, and fell in love with him for nine months of my pregnancy and it was time for my husband to love him.

As I looked over at my husband feeding our son, at him looking down at that little bundle, I could just tell he was now getting to fall in love with him too.

Olympia22

My husband feeding our baby.

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My Daughter’s Life Lay At Stake And I Took Every Formula Sample Offered

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I’m the oldest of five kids. My husband has only one sister. Together, we knew that we wanted a large family. Yet, somehow, motherhood still came as a complete shock to me. I stumbled to breastfeed my first child and fed her some formula “on the sly” while I still figured out the damn process. I struggled to breastfeed my second exclusively. Somehow, I did, but I was diagnosed with post-partum depression when she was two months old. We had a space of time after she was born, and I learned whatever I could to breastfeed. I was determined to breastfeed any future children because what good mom would not want to give her the benefits of never getting sick, Einsteinian IQ, smoking hot body, and perfect social standing?

My third was born, and I tried to breastfeed her too. And at her four-month check, her ribs were showing, and our family doctor was worried. Tests that he ordered were not alarming, but did indicate developing problems. He referred me to a pediatric specialist. Dr. K was a godsend. He quickly went through a check, then just said, “ She’s just hungry, Paula.”

He took a little preparatory breath. “I hesitate to say this directly, but can you give her formula?” Honestly, I did feel a small punch to the gut—my mother had breastfed all of us, why couldn’t I?—and the thought of denying my child the supposed benefits seemed so…selfish.

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The Benefits That Come From Breastfeeding Doesn’t Automatically Make It Best

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My breastfeeding relationship seemed like it was going to be perfect from the start—I had no problem producing colostrum, my milk came in while in the hospital, my daughter latched on easily, and she had a very strong suck. The pediatrician even told me not to tell people how easy it was for us because “other moms would be jealous”. My daughter was back up to birth weight by the end of her first week.

Bethany5

My newborn daughter.

Although my daughter had wet diapers and was nursing well, she would spit up, quite often and something was stopping her from continuing to gain weight. When I took her to the pediatrician’s office multiple times, none of the doctors were concerned by the amount she spit-up. They all said that I couldn’t know how much it truly was. Let me tell you something, though, watching my daughter choke and vomit all of her breast milk, I knew that she was spitting up too much. She was born above the 95th percentile but rapidly dropped her weight. Continue reading →

I Was Ashamed to Ask for Formula in the Hospital, But I Couldn’t Hear Her Scream Anymore

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I took some time to write up my story and let you all know why this cause is so important to me. Thank you for welcoming me to this community.

I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve had some issues with post-partum anxiety following the birth of baby Ariya – I still struggle with irrational anxiety from time to time at 8 months post-partum. One of the biggest reasons was because of my ‘failure to provide for my daughter’, AKA struggling, and ultimately deciding not to breastfeed her due to my inability to produce milk at the time of her birth.

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