Category: Post-Partum Depression and Mental Health

I Learned To Prioritize My Well-Being Alongside My Baby’s and Shed the Suffocating Cloak of Societal Expectations and I was able to rebrand motherhood for myself

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By Tina Cartwright, Founder of Rebranding Motherhood

My journey through childbirth and early motherhood was far from easy, but it was undeniably transformative. It taught me the importance of resilience, self-compassion, and the power of community in navigating motherhood’s most profound challenges. Before reaching this undeniable truth, my birth trauma thrust me into an arduous journey as I entered motherhood.

Birth trauma is tricky because society would love to put a clean, simple definition on it.  However, trauma is defined by the individual and what that experience led you to feel afterward. For me, my birth trauma started when I first held my baby. The elusive bond between mother and child didn’t materialize instantaneously for me, unlike the glossy portrayals Hollywood and social media would suggest.

This sanitized imagery further claimed I would be overwhelmed, almost washed over with the deepest levels of instant joy and admiration for my new baby. Within seconds of this stark realization hitting me,  I instantly began a silent inner panic that never quieted until I was ultimately diagnosed with PMAD (postpartum depression) and started a formal treatment plan.

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Nurse Takes Formula Away From Parents Who Were Trying to Feed Their Hungry Baby In The Hospital

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My feeding journey was not at all what I envisioned for my little one and me. When I was pregnant with my firstborn, I heard stories from my mom that she never used a bottle with my brother and me. When I researched breastfeeding, parents were told how wonderful and natural it is. I believed breastfeeding would come naturally. 

The day my son was born was a whirlwind. I had to have a c-section due to complications, but we were so excited to meet him. The first few days, I tried to get him to latch on, and he would stay for a little while and then unlatch. I felt uneasy that he wasn’t getting enough colostrum, but the medical staff told me I was doing great. My husband and I were so focused on getting breastfeeding down that I forgot to get pictures of me and my little one. My focus was getting him fed the right way. Sometimes, nursing hurt so much that I would dread it when it was time for feeding. The on-site lactation consultant came the day after the c-section. She was with me for an hour and told me everything was wonderful! 

After she left, my baby would cry, and I knew something wasn’t right. My husband and I decided it was time to ask for formula. When we asked, the nurse kept asking us if we were sure. As first-time parents, we questioned if we were doing the right thing.

I was so exhausted and needed rest that my husband decided to feed my little one formula. Another nurse came in and said, “Dad! Don’t! Breastfeeding is the way! Don’t do that to your little one. Your wife is doing great.” She grabbed the formula from my husband’s hands and stashed it in a cabinet. My husband and I looked at each other in shock, and I tried to breastfeed again.

We were discharged on a Friday, and over the weekend, my son cried a lot, and I thought he might be a fussy baby. On Monday morning, we saw that my son had orange urine in his diaper. I lost it. I remember holding him and crying, blaming myself. We went to the doctor’s office and were told that he was dehydrated. He also lost a lot of weight, more than he should have, and my doctor suggested it was time to supplement my baby with formula. 

Then came the day that changed my mental health forever. 

After that, I cried for hours, and I could not get over the guilt. I kept thinking: “Why didn’t I know he was hungry or not getting enough? How could I have let my baby starve?” The guilt stayed with me for months and was the catalyst for my debilitating postpartum depression and anxiety diagnosis. 

After that, I became obsessed with feeding my son. I would write down how many ounces of formula or breastmilk he had and at what times. I no longer breastfed, but I pumped, so I knew exactly how many ounces he was consuming. Even when he was a few months older, I would still wake him up to feed him because I thought he would become dehydrated again. I hated when my little one would cry because it would be a reminder of the terrible weekend of his life, and I would break down, and I would cry.

My husband and I hope to have another little one, and I know what I would do differently. I feel guilty that my little one had a rough start on his feeding journey, but I try to remember that we were both learning and following the advice of medical professionals in the hospital. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate Fed is Best  Foundation and their work. I honestly don’t know what would have happened to me without finding your support community. I got so emotional writing my story.  Thank you for being there for mothers and babies.

Warmly,

Maria

FREE infant feeding resources:

Knowing if Your Newborn is HUNGRY and Needs Urgent Evaluation / Supplementation – Fed Is Best

Safe Infant Feeding Resources (fedisbest.org)

Fed is Best Feeding Plan – Updated 2024 – Fed Is Best

Pre-order our new book being published June 25th, 2024 : Fed Is Best Book – Fed Is Best Book

The Process of Healing from Infant Feeding Trauma, Guilt, and Shame: When You Wanted to Breastfeed, but Couldn’t – Fed Is Best

How to Breastfeed During the First 2 Weeks of Life – The New York Times (nytimes.com)

Dangers of Insufficient Exclusive Breastfeeding Presented at the First Coast Neonatal Symposium – Fed Is Best

Contact Information – The Fed is Best Foundation

 

 

My Baby is Healthy (and so am I) and That’s All That Matters: A Pediatrician’s Perspective

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I didn’t have the easiest pregnancy; for one thing, I was considered a geriatric pregnancy, given that medicine was my second career, and I waited until after residency to get pregnant. 

I also have a history of depression and anxiety; thankfully, my depression was under control during pregnancy, but my anxiety certainly wasn’t – it worsened when I learned I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (likely due mainly to my advanced maternal age). 

In my mental preparations to have my baby, there was one thing I was always sure of: I would certainly attempt to breastfeed my child, but if it didn’t work out, that would be okay because, in my clinical experience, formula-fed babies did just fine. Furthermore, from the years of my struggles with my mental health, I learned the importance of choosing my battles, and it simply wasn’t worth it to me to agonize over breastfeeding if it didn’t come easily.   Continue reading →

How Breastfeeding Coercion Stripped this Psychiatrist of Her Confidence and Mental Health

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By Michelle M., Psychiatrist, MD, and First-Time Mother

It’s taken me a long time to really have the strength to talk about this, but I think it’s time.

I’m a 40-year-old, first time mom to an amazing 9-month-old son. Throughout my pregnancy I was repeatedly asked if I would breastfeed and received endless lectures on the benefits.  I was honestly skeptical about the claimed breastfeeding benefits… (liquid gold? seriously?), but continued to answer “yes”, as it felt like saying “no” would be the wrong answer.

I figured I would try, and if it worked, great!  If it didn’t, then formula was “Plan B”.  I really didn’t think much of it, and figured the baby would get fed one way or another.

Fast forward to my 37th week of pregnancy.  My water broke with no warning, and I had an awful labor due to a failed epidural and uterine tachysystole.  Then to top it all off, I had an emergency c-section when my baby’s heart rate disappeared from the monitors. Labor and delivery didn’t go exactly as planned, but I was elated when it was over, and I had my beautiful baby. 

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My Baby Scream-Cried The Entire Second Night In The Hospital

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My name is Amber, and I am the mother of a charming, beautiful, and vivacious baby boy. I want to share with you a story: the story of my son’s birth and his first few months earthside. It is a multidimensional story full of love and heartbreak, but I think it’s important that other new mothers hear it. I hope they will know they are not alone if their early motherhood experiences are not what they always dreamed of.

I was working in an emergency room as a nurse and heading into my second-to-last semester of school to become a nurse practitioner. My husband and I had only been trying to conceive for a month. Because I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and irregular periods, I figured getting pregnant would take longer, but there I was on September 1 with a positive test. We were ecstatic. As a planner, I spent most of the next nine months thinking about and planning everything about my son’s birth. I consider myself a well-educated woman and medical professional, so it was no surprise that the heart of my plans included breastfeeding my son. I spent months researching the best pumps for when I had to return to work, deciding on a storage-and-feeding set, and learning about ways to strengthen the breastfeeding bond. Formula feeding never crossed my mind. After all, I was always told breast was best. Sure, I had some friends who gave some formula here or there, but I just knew I would be one of the ones who would exclusively breastfeed and pump for my son. Continue reading →