Para leer en español, por favor vaya aquí.
When our son was born, he weighed 6 pounds 5 oz., and we had issues with him latching from the start. Part of the problem was I had flat nipples, so the nurse gave us a shield and showed me how to use it, and he seemed to do much better. He seemed to be a very content and alert baby. He lost almost 10 percent of his birth weight during our hospital stay, and we were discharged to see our pediatrician for a follow-up.
We continued to use the shield because he struggled to latch without it and were told to put it back on if he got frustrated trying to latch. I noticed that the shield would be full of milk when he finished. I also noticed that he wanted to eat for very long periods of time and didn’t seem ever to be settled during or after feeds.
My friends in Facebook mommy groups said this was pretty typical behavior and that he was just cluster feeding, so I continued to let him eat as often as he wanted, for as long as he wanted. I also never felt like my milk came in, at least not how my friends had described it. He didn’t get back up to his original weight by his 1-week visit, but the doctor didn’t seem overly concerned at that point because he had wet and dirty diapers.
At his 1 month appointment he only weighed 6 pounds 5.5 ounces. He had only gained ½ of an ounce and his pediatrician suggested I talk to the lactation consultant.
I went the next day to a group class, but the class was so large that I felt very overwhelmed and left early. I decided to attend the class offered at the hospital where he was born, where two of the nurses we met would be teaching the class. They had me first weigh him, feed him, and then weigh him again. When we weighed him after his hour-long feeding, the lactation consultant told me he had only eaten 20ml!
She suggested I start supplementing with formula and put me on a pumping schedule to try and increase my supply. We went home and immediately began the routine, and at the next week’s visit, he had gained nearly 2 pounds.
The nurse’s response was, “Wow! He must have been hungry.” He wasn’t just hungry, he was starving!
We continued the routine, and he continued to grow and thrive, but my supply didn’t seem to be increasing, and he still seemed so restless while nursing. The restlessness turned into full-on screaming after he nursed or drank a bottle of breast milk. I called his doctor, and she said it sounded like he had reflux. She prescribed Zantac and suggested that I cut dairy out of my diet. I met with my doctor for my 6-week postpartum checkup and told her about having to cut out dairy. She had experienced the same thing, so she sat down with me and went over things I could and couldn’t eat and what to look for on food labels. I also had a friend who did the same thing, so I followed her food plan, but he still would get so upset when he had any breast milk. After nearly a month of pumping every two hours, not eating, not sleeping, and trying to grieve the loss of my father, who had passed away two weeks before our son was born, I was an emotional mess.
My mom called me one day, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when she said, “he needs you to be healthy and sane far more than he needs breast milk.” At that moment, I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders. I made an appointment to talk to his doctor about not breastfeeding. I had difficulty accepting it and worried that she might push me to keep breastfeeding.
Her beautiful response:
“You’ve tried harder than 99% of the moms I’ve worked with to make breast feeding work, and it’s totally OK if you stop and exclusively formula feed.”
I cried in my doctor’s office because that was the validation and permission I was looking for. I tried so hard to breastfeed my baby, but it was certainly not what was best for either of us. By his two-month appointment, he had more than doubled his weight, and at six months, he is back to being a happy, observant, content baby and so far meeting his milestones right on schedule.
Formula saved my baby’s life!
I have felt so guilty, and it took a tremendous amount of courage for me to write my story. At the same time, I am so thankful my baby is now thriving and feel it is extremely important for other moms to understand that if your baby is not gaining weight, it is critical to figure out why and not assume everything is normal, no matter what popular breastfeeding mom groups on Facebook might say!
Bottom line: I could have lost my baby and my own sanity. For me and my baby, #fedisbest
I will be forever grateful for finding the Fed Is Best Foundation, and I am now committed to working with their advocacy team to promote #SafeBreastfeeding.
My story one year later. What I learned.
I had countless moms—some that I knew personally, many I did not—send me messages thanking me for having the courage to share and for saying the things they were too ashamed to admit. I had a mother message me and tell me, “these were the words I so desperately needed to hear right now.” I had friends and family message me to say that their friend or family member from another state had shared our blog and how proud they were to tell them that they knew me. I had friends message me that they never truly believed that there were mothers who “couldn’t breastfeed” until they read my story.
I Shared My Story a Year Ago And I Was Told To Go Kill Myself – How I Am Healing
For more information on protecting your baby from feeding complications due to early exclusive breastfeeding, please read and download the Fed is Best Feeding Plan, a way to communicate your feeding choices to your health care providers.
In addition, please read and download the Fed is Best Weighing Protocol to prevent newborn dehydration and failure to thrive.
To learn how to supplement your baby:
How To Prepare For Supplementing When Breastfeeding Your Baby In The Hospital
Feeding Your Baby—When Supplementing Saves Breastfeeding and Saves Lives
.
Lastly, please watch our educational videos on Preventing Feeding Complications for more detailed information.
Our full list of parent resources can be found on our Resource Page.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT FED IS BEST
There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:
- Join the Fed is Best Volunteer group to help us reach Obstetric Health Providers to advocate for counseling of new mothers on the importance of safe infant feeding.
- Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, and our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies, and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All of the Foundation’s work is achieved via its supporters’ pro bono and volunteer work.
- Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page, and by sending our resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
- Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
- Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, and family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
- Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and the mother’s rights to honest, informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
- Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles, and everything in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to feed her baby safely. Every voice contributes to change.
- Send us messages of support. We work daily to make infant feeding safe and supportive of every mother and child. Your messages of support keep us all going.
- Shop and Fed is Best Foundation will earn cash back! We hope to develop our online safe infant feeding classes with these funds.
- If you need support, we have a private support group– Join
We believe all babies deserve to be protected from hunger and thirst every single day of their life, and we believe that education on Safe Infant Feeding should be free. If you would like to donate to support the Fed is Best Foundation’s mission to teach every parent Safe Infant Feeding, please consider making a one-time or recurring donation to our organization.
a lot of women im sure proud of u …. I myself being one took a lot of courage … bless u and ur son… I tried to breastfeed to but it wasn’t happening with my son … flat nipples , latching issues and not producing enough was my problems but I decided to formula feed before getting as far as some do or has or is
I thought I was reading my story while reading yours! No kidding! EVERYTHING was exactly me…to the Zantac even. I felt guilt when giving him formula, but then felt guilt for NOT when I saw his weight gain. #noshameinfotmula #fedisbest
I experienced the exact same thing. The pressure Americans put on breastfeeding is such that some feel very guilty when it doesn’t work out and this is really stupid. I had 2 babies: one in the US and one in France (I’m French). Both times breasfeeding didn’t work out. In the States I felt like a horrible mom each time I was bottlefeeding my baby because other moms judge A LOT! I hated that! For my second baby I tried for 2 months and he wasn’t gaining much weight either so I switched to formula and the doctors there (in France), didn’t even understand why I had tried and tortured myself so hard. They kept telling me that a mother shouldn’t be judged by whether or not she could breastfeed but in the love she gives to her children. From the start they had told me the 2options and made it clear that it was a matter of choice. Having babies should be a moment of pleasure, not torture and I can’t see how being frustrated and breastfeeding can be healthy for your baby (they can feel everything). My 2 kids are happy and healthy and that’s the only thing that matters to me and the doctors I saw.
If it works out that’s great, if it doesn’t it is far from being the end of the world !!
Although the “baby” I’m addressing is nearly 25 years old, this story haunts me, as it is so close to my own. My nationally renowned pediatrician dismissed my concerns my daughter wasn’t eating enough and all but forbade me to use formula. Following my instincts, I gave her formula anyway and watching her guzzle the formula down broke my heart. I have no doubt she would not be with me today had I relied on the medical community.
Yes..feed the baby,,if there’s breastmilk..it is great..if not,,formula…as long as he is fully fed.
No mother should EVER be made to feel less of a mother because they can’t or don’t breast feed. That is cruel and unfair to put that responsibility and guilt on a new mother. That in no way measures the love you have for your child and you can be as great of a mother whether you do or do not breast feed. I’m glad to know there is a push to promote healthy feeding, regardless of it being through breast milk or formula.
I had this very same thing happen to me with all three of my boys. My nipples would just not cooperate, and I ended up quitting breast feeding and went to formula. Every single lactation consultant I met with was stumped. But they could never bring themselves to say anything even remotely close to sometimes breasts just won’t support breast feeding. Whether it’s because genetics or deformities, sometimes parts of our bodies can really let us down. We can’t beat ourselves up over it or let anybody else do that to us.
Hopefully, there will be a test doctors can do in the near future that will let mothers-to-be know if they will be more likely to have breast feeding difficulties or incapacities. Then the moms won’t have to put up with the Breast is best shaming!!!
I Breast fed my first for 4 weeks before I had surgery it was a fight from day one and I felt stupid and drained and incompetent. 19 years later we adopted a baby girl and she was a formula baby and I enjoyed not having the pressure and she was 6 weeks premi and hit every mile stone her dr called her an over achiever women need to back off of each other when it comes to this!! My first I was 22 and scared of disappointing my 2nd I was 41 and I could have cared less and guess what I have 2 beautifully healthy children a 22 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. Always # fedisbest
I absolutely love this. I went thru this as well, not as extreme though. Milk was never enough, and as much as I wanted to BF, I just couldn’t. My son turned 6 months 1-2-17 and he is a healthy happy 19.6lb chunk. 🙂
The difference between your 1 month and 2 month pictures is remarkable! It is just amazing.
Oh man…I know your story very well. I had the same thing, almost exactly, happen with all 3 of my kids. Definitely a love hate relationship with formula. But you are right! Fed is best. Way to put your voice out there and be encouraging!! Thank you. You can read my story here: http://www.treemum.com/2015/05/the-day-i-gave-up-breastfeeding/
Thank you for sharing! I had an extremely low supply when trying to nurse and pump with my son. He was a late term preemie, so the hospital basically forced me to supplement if I wanted to bring him home. I was so glad they did! At most, I was pumping 2 oz a day (pumping every 3 hours with a hospital grade breast pump). I saw a breastfeeding medicine doctor, who gave me the permission and validation I needed to stop. I am pregnant again now, and plan to see that breastfeeding specialist in the 3rd trimester and have a plan worked out with our pediatrician so thanI can try to safely breast feed this time around. But, if it doesn’t work out, I will know that I tried and #fedisbest!
I had almost the same issue my daughter would latch and I thought she was getting enough but she really wasn’t I couldn’t figure it till I started to pump my breast that’s when I realized I wasn’t producing much milk for her to eat so I switched to formula and she started to gain her weight I switched without consulting a doctor cause I’m like maybe if I switch she will gain weight I’m glad she did cause I felt the same thing you did it’s heart breaking bot knowing what to do when they are screaming and crying
Oh my god! THIS. We didn’t go into it on facebook but it’s so important to share my story now for new mums. Anna was taken to hospital on her 3Rd day because unbeknownst to us, she was not able to transfer milk from my breasts. She had a great latch and her little jaws moved up and down vigorously 24 hours a day from 10min after she was born. I was told to tickle her feet if she fell asleep at my breast to wake her up. Eventually she got so tired she barely woke up for a feed one morning. She spent 3days in hospital ‘breastfeeding’ and topped up with formula and the following 8 weeks we (I) almost killed ourselves trying to get her well enough to breastfeed exclusively. The hospital trauma I went through meant my milk never came in. I took medication to relactate, I pumped every 3 hours around the clock as well as bottle feeding (I.e.making up formula, sterilising bottles etc). After she got home from the hospital David and I fed her through a device made from a nasogastric tube every 3 hours like a little rescue possum. I became obsessed with making sure she was fed and only this past week have been able to let her cry without wondering if she is hungry. She had a tongue tie, lip tie and buccal ties which meant her little mouth was restricted. She’s had these cut with laser and now we need to train her how to use her new little tongue and how to explore parts of her mouth she didn’t know we’re there. She sees an osteo, has myofacial therapy and we’ve seen multiple lactation consultants. During this time we’ve had little option but to feed her 90%.formula with some expressed breast milk top ups. She’s thriving and has put on weight and is a healthy Bubba. We are still doing some breastfeeding to help her learn to suck and also for the other benefits ( comfort, cognitive development etc). I want to use my experience to advocate responsible breastfeeding and encourage people not to be afraid of formula and also to look for signs baby is not getting enough food. I’m still not 100% at peace with what has happened and am still in a bit of shock about her unexpected start to life bit am getting there. No one ever talks about formula or you never see mums bottle feeding wee infants because there’s so much shame attached. So next time you here a mum saying she had problems breastfeeding, it’s likely she tried everything under the sun before she ‘gave up’ #fedisbest #responsiblebreastfeeding
I had the same thing happen, my milk never “came in” my son weighed the same at his one month checkup as he did at birth. His doctor recommended switching to formula then. My milk also didn’t come in for my second baby, but i knew what to look for then and started supplementing the first week, and I didn’t try again with the 3rd or 4th. It was too much for me to try and fail again. I totally agree with fed is best.
I had a similar issue my milk never came in I talked to 3-4 lactation consultants and was out on a pumping schedule and the most I ever got out was about 2oz. So from day one he was supplementing and then after about a month or two I was like no more. I’m tired of trying to breastfeed, I was very depressed and felt unwomanly cause I could not the one thing a mom can do after the baby is born. We thought he was tongue-tied, I tried fenugeek, mother’s milk tea, pumping every two hrs, and nothing was working. So I just stopped trying and told his Dr and mine and they were like that is okay. He has been on formula since birth haven’t really had any weight issues but he is under weight for his age he is about to be 7 months old and weighs about 15lbs. Dr says he may just be skinny he is about 27 inches long he eats really well but spits up a lot and may have reflux or slow stomach emptying. He has had a rough first 7 months even delivery was difficult for him. But he is stong and doing great. I love him so much. Not every mother is gonna get their milk in so don’t destress. It took me some time to learn that just because I can’t breastfeed it doesn’t make me any less of a mom.
You might already be doing this Naomi but I figure I’ll put it out there anyway… on the spitting up issue, when mixing the formula, I have found that using good bottled water and/or filtering our tap water, to get rid of the Chlorine, water softeners and other gunk in the our drinking water, pretty much stopped the spitting up altogether. I was at amazed how well it worked. I hope this helps. You’re doing great!
My story is very similar to yours–thank you for putting your experiences in writing! You absolutely did the right thing for you and your baby, and that makes you a VERY GOOD MAMA!! ❤️
I went through something very similar Mandy! Breastfeeding hurt! I really struggled to latch her on and because I was so flat it constantly hurt and I ended up with mastitis so bad I was admitted to hospital for three days. I had rigours, chest pain and the infection had spread under my armpit and down my arm. I cried and cried and cried at the thought of giving up because I didn’t want people to think I was a young mum that couldn’t be arsed. I was worried she wouldn’t do well at school if I didn’t breastfeed for goodness sake! I felt like I had to wait for everyone around me to give me permission to stop. When I did, a weight was lifted off. Even then one of my other halfs friends asked “are you breast feeding” and when I said no, he made a comment about how mothers milk is best. I felt crippled. If I was in a stronger mind at the time (and I wish I was) I’d have told him where to stick it! Your campaign is wonderful – Fed IS best!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are always enough! Dont feel guilty, it doesnt matter what path you take to get to the destination. Well done for being a fantastic mummy x
This is hard for me but Seeing this bravery has inspired me to share my story…
I completely can relate to this story. As a first time mother I was under the impression my daughter was getting what she needed from me, even at her first few check ups I was told she was perfectly healthy and it turned out that I wasn’t producing enough milk to sustain her. At that time I wasn’t formula feeding because everything I read or any advice (both medical and other moms) that I got was considered normal behaviour for cluster feeding and just the routine of a new born baby. She wasn’t even that fussy or showed any significant signs of not getting enough, dirty diapers were normal to everything I’d been told/learned and she even latched from day 1. She would latch and feed for anywhere from 40 mins- 1.5 hours, and then fall asleep and wake up soon after and we would repeat the pattern. She was happy and seemed like a well adjusted baby but when she didn’t start gaining proper weight It started to raise doubts. When I sought out help, and told my dr that I just didn’t understand what was wrong, but I knew in my heart that something was deff wrong. instead of support and understanding my dr went the opposite direction. With a sneer he told me I was starving my daughter and when I broke down in sobbing tears he simply told me to get formula and stop breastfeeding and walked out to tend to his other patients. This being the same dr that less than a month earlier told me she was perfectly healthy and that everything was fine. Until I forced him to take a closer look, and examine my daughter more thoroughly, he was happy with her progress even though she was in the lower percentile. I stayed in that little dr room and held my daughter as I sobbed my whispered grief and guilt. All I could tell her was that I didn’t know and how sorry I was that I failed her. Then his receptionist came into the room and saw my mental and emotional breakdown and when she asked what was wrong I sobbed my story to her, and told her how I failed my daughter. I shared my fears of being a horrible mother and when I couldn’t go on talking She gathered both of us into a hug and told me that every single first time mother goes through this over one thing or another. She cried with me asking me how I could possibly know how to do everything right as a first time mom? She told me that I didn’t fail my daughter and asked me why I came in? And I responded with, I knew deep down that something wasn’t right so I made the appointment and came in. She looked at me with more tears in her eyes and said, and as a mother that is all we can do for our children. Our mommy radar goes off and listening to it and acting on your gut feeling shows more about me as a mother than anything else. And although it made me feel an insignificant amount better that I could wipe my face and gather myself enough to leave the office, her kindness, tears and comfort she gave me made a difference. Even if at the time, I didn’t believe her at all. Now 2 years and a beautiful bright, smart, happy and healthy daughter later, I still look back on this time and my first thought is, how could I have failed her so badly? The guilt is still overwhelming and just thinking about it makes me tear up. I know realistically I shouldn’t beat myself up over it but a huge part of me still feels like I failed her at her most venerable time and my heart aches because of it. if you have anything negative to say, you can go right ahead and say it, but honestly, anything you want to guilt me with is nothing compared to how much guilt I pile on myself. Nothing can compare to being sneered at as a first time mother by the very dr that told me everything was fine. And if your reading this, and feeling mommy guilt, reading this article shows me that we are not alone. We stand united in our mommy guilt, and honestly I know that I shouldn’t have felt like a failure but I did anyways because I love my daughter and it feels more acceptable to punish myself than to accept the fact that as a parent I am not perfect because I want so badly to be perfect for her. But we aren’t perfect and life is full of learning and growing. I’ve grown into being the mommy she needs me to be and I can’t tell you how proud I am to be able to call her my daughter.
You are not alone!! I ended up breastfeeding for a year… the first 6 months I know now he wasn’t getting the breastmilk he needed 🙁 he is smaller but he’s super healthy and active but I wish someone had told me it was okay to supplement with formula… everyone just kept reassuring me that he must have been getting enough because he was gaining but personally I think the shield did more harm than good on the amount of milk he was actually getting! Thanks for sharing it’s nice to know I’m not alone!
My daughter was born 6 weeks early she was 4.4 pounds after I had her so for 2 weeks she was on formula became she couldn’t latch on to my breast or a bottle so she had a tube running down her nose feeding her at that moment I felt as a failure to my daughter after 2 weeks of being in the nicu she finally suck a bottle and got to come home I tried the breast pump but my milk had already dried up by then so formula was the only way I could feed her now she is currently 21 and half months is is still really small for her age she’s 20 pounds now and she walks talks but don’t know half of what she says but almost everyday me and her practice new words and shell say them clear as day…she is a really smart child and she’s really sassy to me now she’s on a cup next is potty training…a month ago I found out she had to have glasses and its been hard trying get her keep. But now she eats more and gaining instead of losing I doubt think people should put any mother down of there trying so I say fed is best…
I feel your pain and struggle. I never realized until after how close I was to loosing my baby. Dr.s didn’t care either. My baby was 3 months when a total stranger(happened to be a nurse ) saw us at a BBQ and tracked us down after to tell me he needed to go to emerg asap. Poor latch, nipple shield and tongue tied. The next day the public health nurse showed up at my house, a plan put into action immediately. Referral to a pediatrician, tongue was clipped and I took meds to increase my milk. I did continue breast milk until 6 months, the constant pumping at that point was enough for me. I had got him back on track. At 6 months formula kept my baby healthy until he was able to drink homo. Now he is 8 and perfect!
This 100% happened to me as well. My baby got so skinny and cold and gray colored. I didn’t even really notice the last two until they changed, he got warm and pink. I thought everything was fine because he was so happy and calm. Our pediatrician said it usually happens to the happy ones because they don’t complain much. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. I didn’t let myself feel too guilty because there wasn’t any way to change what happened and he is fine now but you know there is always just that little whisper that you could have done better and how close you came to losing your baby. So thanks again for helping me and others know we are not the only ones. Great article.
I appreciate your post. I went through a similar situation, not as extreme but went through months of mine not gaining the weight (and looking back she was way too skinny). Also just mine pretty much nursed the first 4 months of her life or she’d just scream. I supplemented and that worked for us but it honestly doesn’t matter what you do so long as baby and mama are healthy! I commend you for your efforts but also for sharing this. Mom shaming or being told “your body will make the right amount your just not doing it right” is wrong.
I went through the exact same thing with my first baby. After a month of pumping & nursing & supplementing nonstop I realized fed is best & my sanity is best so I switched to formula. I did feel guilt but I also know I tried so hard. My next two babies I had absolutely no problems nursing.
Thanks for this story. I had two kids and trouble breastfeeding both of them. I had recurrent thrush with my first, and I think the shock of a first baby did a number on my husband and I. I ended up pumping with good success, so he had mostly breastmilk for the first 6 months, with only small bits of formula. I was determined that breastfeeding would work with the second baby. I had two meetings with a lacatation consultant before the baby was born, and she came to the hospital as well. The thrush came back immediately and I was in a lot of pain from the c-section, which didn’t go as planned as a result of a large amount of internal scar tissue. Breastfeeding was terrible. I hated it. I would bit my tongue so not to scream when it came time to feed, and I was always crying. The second day of my daughter’s life was terrible. I fantasized about someone saying that another family really wanted her, so they would take her and I could just go home with my husband and son and we would be fine as a family of 3. I had one really lovely (seasoned) nurse who told me “this baby needs you to love her and to feed her. The love is most important part and that’s what you need to do.” Again – it was the permission I needed. I still tear up over the whole thing, 3 years later. I started pumping and she also got formula. Neither of my kids have ever had antibiotics or any infections of any kind (6 and 3 years old). The most important thing is that they are loved and fed.
beautiful! Thank you for sharing this. I was able to breast feed for about 6-9 months depending on the child and then I would just lose my milk. I was eating and drinking a ton and doing so many things to try to keep my supply. I researched, “what is the best formula for my child?” and was just left in tears because of all the formula shaming #breastisbest stuff. It made me feel so inadequate. I was happy I was able to figure it out and happy for you as well!
Thank you for sharing your story!!! It is nearly identical to mine, except for different weights. My guy lost over 15% of his weight and I still cringe anytime I look at pictures from the first month. UGH I was STARVING my baby and had no idea.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story and post your photos. What a dramatic difference in one month. I was in your same shoes with my first child and felt like failure to breastfeed was equivalent to failure as a mother. I hope your story helps other moms in those early days who are struggling the same way.
Thank you so much for this! The exact same thing happened to me and my LO. At 3 months she was still the size of a newborn, and I knew it was time I let go of my pride and start formula feeding. I saw a comment someone made recently that formula fed babies will eventually be a “burden” on society with all their health issues. I had to laugh… I know breast milk is great for a child, but I’m pretty sure heridity and lifestyles choices make a way bigger impact on a person’s overall health. Fed is definitely best! Breast feed if you can and be proud of it but don’t put those like us or anyone down for choosing formula to sustain our children! I’m so happy to see your choice has allowed your LO to thrive and taken that stress off your shoulders! ♡love- a mom who has been there and had to make the same hard but necessary decision
Why didn’t you just give donor milk?
Not all mothers want to give donor milk because of the risk of bacterial infection. For mothers with access to formula and clean water, formula supplementation is much safer than untested, casual milk donations.
Thank you for sharing. 10 years ago when my first was born, he spent two weeks in the NICU. I pumped and breast fed during that time, but he needed supplemental feedings. When we were released, I was encouraged to breast feed exclusively. My little brother passed away 3 days after returning home. I was stressed and grieving. My milk never came in even with pumping every 2 hours and nursing. Finally, my best friend hung formula on my front door. I began supplementing again. In the end, I found that formula feeding was best for our family. My son now at 10 is healthy and happy. He plays soccer nearly year round, runs cross country, and is at the top of his class academically. I never regret the decision I made.
Your story is EXACTLY the same as mine. EXACTLY! My boy is super healthy now on formula. When I look at early pics of Josh I cry because he looked so bad and I didn’t notice it!
You are amazing. I was in the same boat except he started drinking formula at 1 month along with breastfeeding. I know when i get pregnant next time to make sure i don’t have flat nipples. It is treatable.
We had a very similar experience with our oldest son, not latching, using a shield, nursing so long he would fall asleep but never getting full, my milk never coming fully in even though I was taking supplements to increase it. The main difference was that the medical community was dead set on me doing everything to breast feed. I finally took my son off the breast, and started pumping and giving him breast milk in a bottle just so I could see how much he was getting. That made it so much better. I refer to that period as “the Dark Ages”.
It wasn’t until my 2nd child that I stopped feeling guilty for stopping breast feeding my 1st at 3 months. My first baby was latching ok but she was never full, I could barely pump anything and she seemed happier on formula. Other moms judge you and say all the things they were cutting out of their diet for their baby. Maybe I could have tried harder but being a new mom is hard enough plus my mom still tells me that my brother had milk and honey in this bottles when he was a baby and there’s nothing wrong with him.
My 2nd daughter was completely different. I remember breast feeding her at 2 months and realizing that this is what it’s suppose to feel like and stopped feeling guilty for stopping with the 1st.
They are both happy, healthy, strong 8 and 11 year old girls. Everyone has to make the decision that’s best for them.
Thank you for this. I had an almost identical experience. I think this exacerbated my PPD.
What a great article. You are doing such a good job by putting your story out there. You are a brave woman for sharing this as it would have been hard to put it into words. I will definitely share your story, it is so important for other women to know they are not alone in their struggles. Thank you.
Thank you so much for writing this. I was in tears reading it. I had the same struggle for 10 weeks. When I finally told my Mum how hard I was finding it and how much it was hurting my heart, she said to stop immediately and just feed my baby. Fed is best, and my little bear is happy and healthy and impossibly chubby. I hope you reach every sweet mother feeling that horrible guilt and show her she doesn’t deserve the sadness, only the total joy of watching her baby giggle and grow. Thank you again for such a wonderful article it meant so much.
I just read this story and the first half is very similar to my experience. I had my first baby, no problem with nursing, second baby.. Born 7.1lbs, by the time we were discharged 2 days later she had lost over 10% of her body weight, over 1lb. The cries were different, she was going hungry even though she nursed almost all the time. She never nursed long enough to get past the colostrum to the fat part of the milk. I felt terrible, I was doing my best, the public health nurse came daily or we went to see her. I nursed and pumped and finally had to give her formula to supplement my breast feeding. She wouldn’t take a bottle so we fed her from a spoon. You can imagine that my whole time was taken with trying to feed this little baby thank goodness for her 7 year old big sister who helped me, so much responsibility and caring on my young child. It took 3 months of constant care and support from the PHN to get her back to her birth weight. We celebrated her 1/4 oz gains.. I admire this woman for the strength to tell her story, to know that she will be judged by pro breast feeding and pro bottle feeding advocates. As a mom who went through a similar experience, I can tell you that judgement would have knocked me flat and made me have an even harder time to cope. What we need, as moms, when going through such a tough time is only support, help, guidance and knowing that what is best for our baby may not be the same as the next baby, but that getting our baby fed, however we do it , was the most important task. By 4 months she was exclusively breastfeeding again, getting lots of milk and growing.While she has never been a big child, almost always on the 10th percentile for growth, she was healthy and happy. What a journey! Sorry this was long, this just really struck me.
Congratulations on doing what is best for your baby. While breastmilk is easiest on most babies tummies, there are so many different issues out there that make breastfeeding not the best option. I had to give up breastfeeding with my first due to medications and it took me so long to forgive myself. The mom community needs to push this idea that #fedisbest and stop guilty moms over their individual feeding choices for their babies. We have enough guilt about everything else we think we fail at as moms. We just need to cut ourselves and other moms some slack. We need to lift each other up. You go mom! You advocated for your baby. That’s really what is important in the end, that you do what is best and make sure he gets what he needs. Keep up the good fight.
Thank you so much for writing this. I know it must have been hard, as I went through the same journey. Five weeks of hell, no sleeping, just screaming. I had lots of support to breastfeed, went to all the meetings ect. But it just wasn’t meant to be for my son and I. He is such a happy baby on formula. I keep reminding myself that you can’t tell who was formula fed or who was breastfed when they are all running around the playground.
Your story and mine are exactly alike, except that because of all my struggles, I was made to feel like I wasn’t doing a good job, that I was failing as a first time mom! With all that pressure, I silently struggled with postpartum depression too!! I was so scared that they would take my sweet girl away, because I couldn’t feed her, and that someone else would do a better job!! I have since had a second baby, whom I attempted to breastfeed, but very quickly stopped trying and switched right to a bottle!! I now have 2 very HEALTHY and ACTIVE kids (11yrs and almost 9yrs old). Thank you for sharing your personal story with those that need to hear it!!
Heather Liddle
We have almost the exact same story! Thank you for sharing! More moms need to know! Breast, pumped, donor, formula.., it’s all perfectly okay and FED is best!
I feel your pain and lived it for three months before the lactation consultant suggested soy formula! Three months of sleeping upright in a recliner so he wouldn’t scream, three months of soaked linens and pjs because of my milk letting loose when he cried, three months of multiple visits per week by the health nurse, three months of guilt of not knowing what my baby needed…all traded on the first 6 oz bottle and 8 straight hours of him sleeping through the night ( I woke up every few hours thinking the worst…my god Mother’s daught died from SIDS). There is no manual for these little humans and we can only do our best! Can’t wait to see his 3 month photo!
I had a similar experience with my daughter. I remember the guilt! I had to start supplementing formula at 7 weeks. I do not remember the exact numbers now but she was not gaining weight. I continued to pump and give her breast milk until it completely went away at 11 weeks. I was so happy when it did, we were both miserable. I am happy to report she is a super healthy 5 year old, and hardly ever sick. She is one of the youngest in her Kindergarten class and is excelling! I agree, Fed is Best!!
Thank you for sharing your story. While I’m still breastfeeding my daughter (8 months so far!), I’ve had friends that struggled with the decision with stopping breastfeeding because it just wasn’t working out. It’s important that moms hear “yeah breastfeeding is great, but you’re still an awesome mom if you don’t”. Moms deal with enough guilt as it is. They don’t need to deal with this as well. So good job momma taking care of yourself and son and sharing your story for others out there!
Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story! I’m sure it will encourage other moms! It really encouraged me. I feel like you almost wrote my exact story! My sweet little girl is 17 months old now and when she was two months old I had to stop breast feeding, partially because it was so agonizing for both of us and because she wasn’t gaining weight and partly because I had just been hospitalized for pancreatitis for a week and due to the pain of that illness I wasn’t able to pump. My supply was so low by that point and I was still recovering which made it seem so daunting to get my supply back up especially when my sweet girl would scream after 5 minutes of breast feeding and obviously wasn’t satiated. I also lost my dad just before my daughter was born. He passed away 3 weeks to the day before she was born and I’m just now finally working through the grieving process. Thank you again for telling your story!
This was my exact story but I had a feeling deep down we were so focused on the symptoms and treating the Main symptom: starvation, that we were overlooking the why. In my case, and I believe in MANY cases it was a repeatedly undiagnosed tongue tie & lip tie. Formula wouldn’t have fixed that. Pumping and formula became my best option, but not my solution. Tie release resolved EVERYTHING. proper latch (on bottle), semi return to breast, “colic” symptoms, gas, intolerance symptoms, etc. I’m glad that this story ends well but I think that many ties are also missed due to formula introduction/bottle and baby’s ability to latch somewhat better and gain so people stop looking for the underlying reason. And in my experience, pediatricians miss them most times, unless they are anterior or obvious. PLEASE parents, if you share a similar experience, please see an IBCLC or pediatric dentist who’s very familiar with/specializes in ties…rule it out.
Wow , thank you for writing this! Fed is best and everyone else needs to be more supportive and so much less judgemental. I’m not sure if this was mentioned in other comments, but there is also an amazing group for insufficient glandular tissue, low milk supply on Facebook – IGT LOW MILK SUPPLY. It helped more than anything else!!
Out of curiosity did your LC look for ties? Sounds so very similar to our situation.
Omg you told my story!!!! This happen with my daughter. Everything from flat nipples to feeling like crap bc quitting. Thank you! She is now 4 and healthy as she can be
Beautifully written…. As Mom’s we put so much pressure on ourselves to breastfeed and it is not always possible. I tried for two weeks and it just didn’t work. I was heartbroken. Then there was always someone who would have something to say when I fed my baby a bottle and did not nurse. I realized it didn’t matter what everyone else thought because my baby was healthy and happy !!!!!
The beginning of this story is my exact story. Discovered lip and tongue ties at 4months..had them lasered. Could latch immediately. Gained 5lbs the next month. Webt from getting one ounce in 15mins with the nipple shield to 4ounces in 10minutes withut the shield. Same day as lasering. Highly recommend you read the signs and symptoms as ties have a lot of other repercussions. 🙂
This article really resonated with me. My experience five years ago was pretty much the same! My son wasn’t struggling with weight but I had to use the shield, he was always feeding FOREVER, very fussy afterwards, tummy trouble, they also put on zantac (didn’t help). I did not have a supportive paediatrician but luckily a friend who supported me and helped me not feel guilty for switching to formula! Every other service made me feel inadequate that I couldn’t breast feed.
I have never been overwhelmed by so much guilt and emotion as when we had to supplement our son with formula. I breastfed then pumped and supplemented every 2-3 hours for months. I remember just breaking down when my son was 6 months and my husband saying, you have done amazing, he has done amazing, he is going to be fine. He basically had to yell at me for me to realize it was okay to move to exclusively formula feeding. My son is now 19 months old, loves life and he smart and active. I am currently expecting number 2 and I am both nervous and excited about the prospect of breastfeeding again. Hopefully this time I will be kinder to myself.