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When our son was born, he weighed 6 pounds 5 oz., and we had issues with him latching from the start. Part of the problem was I had flat nipples, so the nurse gave us a shield and showed me how to use it, and he seemed to do much better. He seemed to be a very content and alert baby. He lost almost 10 percent of his birth weight during our hospital stay, and we were discharged to see our pediatrician for a follow-up.
We continued to use the shield because he struggled to latch without it and were told to put it back on if he got frustrated trying to latch. I noticed that the shield would be full of milk when he finished. I also noticed that he wanted to eat for very long periods of time and didn’t seem ever to be settled during or after feeds.
My friends in Facebook mommy groups said this was pretty typical behavior and that he was just cluster feeding, so I continued to let him eat as often as he wanted, for as long as he wanted. I also never felt like my milk came in, at least not how my friends had described it. He didn’t get back up to his original weight by his 1-week visit, but the doctor didn’t seem overly concerned at that point because he had wet and dirty diapers.
At his 1 month appointment he only weighed 6 pounds 5.5 ounces. He had only gained ½ of an ounce and his pediatrician suggested I talk to the lactation consultant.
I went the next day to a group class, but the class was so large that I felt very overwhelmed and left early. I decided to attend the class offered at the hospital where he was born, where two of the nurses we met would be teaching the class. They had me first weigh him, feed him, and then weigh him again. When we weighed him after his hour-long feeding, the lactation consultant told me he had only eaten 20ml!
She suggested I start supplementing with formula and put me on a pumping schedule to try and increase my supply. We went home and immediately began the routine, and at the next week’s visit, he had gained nearly 2 pounds.
The nurse’s response was, “Wow! He must have been hungry.” He wasn’t just hungry, he was starving!
We continued the routine, and he continued to grow and thrive, but my supply didn’t seem to be increasing, and he still seemed so restless while nursing. The restlessness turned into full-on screaming after he nursed or drank a bottle of breast milk. I called his doctor, and she said it sounded like he had reflux. She prescribed Zantac and suggested that I cut dairy out of my diet. I met with my doctor for my 6-week postpartum checkup and told her about having to cut out dairy. She had experienced the same thing, so she sat down with me and went over things I could and couldn’t eat and what to look for on food labels. I also had a friend who did the same thing, so I followed her food plan, but he still would get so upset when he had any breast milk. After nearly a month of pumping every two hours, not eating, not sleeping, and trying to grieve the loss of my father, who had passed away two weeks before our son was born, I was an emotional mess.
My mom called me one day, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when she said, “he needs you to be healthy and sane far more than he needs breast milk.” At that moment, I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders. I made an appointment to talk to his doctor about not breastfeeding. I had difficulty accepting it and worried that she might push me to keep breastfeeding.
Her beautiful response:
“You’ve tried harder than 99% of the moms I’ve worked with to make breast feeding work, and it’s totally OK if you stop and exclusively formula feed.”
I cried in my doctor’s office because that was the validation and permission I was looking for. I tried so hard to breastfeed my baby, but it was certainly not what was best for either of us. By his two-month appointment, he had more than doubled his weight, and at six months, he is back to being a happy, observant, content baby and so far meeting his milestones right on schedule.
Formula saved my baby’s life!
I have felt so guilty, and it took a tremendous amount of courage for me to write my story. At the same time, I am so thankful my baby is now thriving and feel it is extremely important for other moms to understand that if your baby is not gaining weight, it is critical to figure out why and not assume everything is normal, no matter what popular breastfeeding mom groups on Facebook might say!
Bottom line: I could have lost my baby and my own sanity. For me and my baby, #fedisbest
I will be forever grateful for finding the Fed Is Best Foundation, and I am now committed to working with their advocacy team to promote #SafeBreastfeeding.
My story one year later. What I learned.
I had countless moms—some that I knew personally, many I did not—send me messages thanking me for having the courage to share and for saying the things they were too ashamed to admit. I had a mother message me and tell me, “these were the words I so desperately needed to hear right now.” I had friends and family message me to say that their friend or family member from another state had shared our blog and how proud they were to tell them that they knew me. I had friends message me that they never truly believed that there were mothers who “couldn’t breastfeed” until they read my story.
I Shared My Story a Year Ago And I Was Told To Go Kill Myself – How I Am Healing
For more information on protecting your baby from feeding complications due to early exclusive breastfeeding, please read and download the Fed is Best Feeding Plan, a way to communicate your feeding choices to your health care providers.
In addition, please read and download the Fed is Best Weighing Protocol to prevent newborn dehydration and failure to thrive.
To learn how to supplement your baby:
How To Prepare For Supplementing When Breastfeeding Your Baby In The Hospital
Feeding Your Baby—When Supplementing Saves Breastfeeding and Saves Lives
.
Lastly, please watch our educational videos on Preventing Feeding Complications for more detailed information.
Our full list of parent resources can be found on our Resource Page.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT FED IS BEST
There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:
- Join the Fed is Best Volunteer group to help us reach Obstetric Health Providers to advocate for counseling of new mothers on the importance of safe infant feeding.
- Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, and our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies, and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All of the Foundation’s work is achieved via its supporters’ pro bono and volunteer work.
- Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page, and by sending our resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
- Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
- Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, and family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
- Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and the mother’s rights to honest, informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
- Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles, and everything in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to feed her baby safely. Every voice contributes to change.
- Send us messages of support. We work daily to make infant feeding safe and supportive of every mother and child. Your messages of support keep us all going.
- Shop and Fed is Best Foundation will earn cash back! We hope to develop our online safe infant feeding classes with these funds.
- If you need support, we have a private support group– Join
We believe all babies deserve to be protected from hunger and thirst every single day of their life, and we believe that education on Safe Infant Feeding should be free. If you would like to donate to support the Fed is Best Foundation’s mission to teach every parent Safe Infant Feeding, please consider making a one-time or recurring donation to our organization.
Anyone pushing their ideas on any new mom is a bad thing. I knew from the start I did not want to breast feed my babies, for a variety of reasons. I never regretted my decision. My babies grew into
healthy, happy toddlers. And now young adults.
This is my story almost exactly…. Thank you for sharing this. I also felt tremendous guilt and also battled sever postpartum depression along with it. Now my daughter is 4 years old and thriving
Thank you thank you thank you for writting this. These could have been my words 16 years ago with my first son. I remember breaking down with the health nurse just like you did when she validated and reassured me that it was not my fault. I felt a flood of emotion bringing me right back to that very difficult time as I read your words. Moms need to know this very real struggle for some of us. I had such a negative experience that I didnt even want to try with my second. But I am glad I did. Every child is different and the second son had no problems nursing. So again thank you.
Thank you for sharing! I’m a dietitian so when my first was born, I knew how good breast milk is for babies. But I did not produce and tried everything. Finally my sweet hubby firmly told me we were going to just do formula and it would be ok. My now 6 year old is doing great and is perfectly normal and healthy. More expecting mamas need to hear these stories and to be prepared for the possibility of problems!
I went through something similar. My problem was that I wasn’t producing enough for my 10 lbs. baby boy (both sides of our family have very big babies). He would feed for a very long time and start to whimper as soon as I removed him from my breast. When he lost 3 lbs., I spoke with my pediatrician and he basically said “fed is best”. He recommended I start on formula and stop breast feeding so that he would not get confused between the breast and bottle nipples. Within a week he gained the 3 lbs, plus an additional 1 1/2 lbs.
When I had my second big baby boy, I fed him the colostrum for 3 days and then went directly to formula. Both of them are healthy and happy now and I’m so very glad for the Dr.’s advise because I had always been told that breast is best and was trying my best.
I hate how moms feel such a pressure to breast feed. I had mastitis with my first and only got about a week of good feedings before I literally was too sick to feed her then with my second I tried t out to see if my son would like it and it became such a horrible experience that I went formula with the second. I have two healthy kids with no food allergies and growing like weeds! Glad you got it figured out!
Wow, thanks for writing this!
My little man was born 6 weeks premmie, I tried to breastfeed (for only one week, so to me you are a champion!). My schedule was feed for an hour, pump for 30mins each side, then try to sleep for about 20mins and start again. I was tired emotional and feeling like a failure. My wonderful pediatrician came in and said “I have never said this to a mum before, but please stop breastfeeding him”.
Relief and sadness. I felt like a failure, not carrying to term (because of my body), having a c-section and now not feeding.
But he had lost 15% in 3 days! I called my husband who said “no big deal you tried and that is the best you can do”. (I have the best husband!)
Fast forward 3 years, same pediatrician, same circumstances, but a plan to formula feed, we were set. Even know family knew what happened prior some still felt the need to criticize and try to tell me “breast is best”, actually no keeping my babies alive is best!
I now have a 7, 4 and 1 year old, who are very happy healthy children and have not suffered at all from not being breastfeed.
Maybe if we all told our story, the Mums that needed or wanted to do this would feel better about it.
Congratulations you are a warrior mum for doing what you needed to, to keep your baby healthy and alive!
I love you. Thank you for sharing. My story was similar, and I felt so much pressure inside to keep trying, keep trying and the shame, guilt, and depression I felt because breastfeeding was not a success was truly overwhelming… with all 3 kids. I tried. I really did. I saw a lactation consultant. I did all the tips and tricks. I read the books. On and on. It didn’t happen, and I collapsed emotionally. The tears I shed could fill the Seven Seas. I see now that I really didn’t need to do that. There is a culture around breastfeeding that assumes you aren’t “mom-enough” if you don’t breastfeed. In the end, I formula fed, as the third time it happened where I had a baby at my breast, and it became obvious that my baby was panicking due to starvation, I told my husband I wasn’t going to have my baby suffer because I couldn’t make more milk. He made formula and my baby relaxed. It tore me apart and relieved me at the same time.
Thank you so much for sharing! I had a exact same problems- flat nipples, problem latching, nipple shield, and ending up with my baby in the 1 percentile. “Just keep trying” was all everyone could say. Then I got mastitis for 2 months until the pain was unbearable and turned into an abscess. It’s now month 4 of an open wound that won’t properly heal and 3rd round of antibiotics. I just might be in the clear, but if the infection comes back, my only option (so I’m told) is a completely evasive surgery.
I gave up on breastfeeding because a friend told me that it’s not for everyone – contrary to popular belief. Once my baby went to formula everyone was happy – including my husband who finally felt like he could do something. Thank you to all the moms that are finally coming forward with their breastfeeding (and all motherly) woes. I just wish I read this sooner.
I completely relate to this story. I lost my dad 35 weeks pregnant with my son. After birth he struggled to breastfeed. My son had a lip tie but I didn’t find out until later. I did all the same things she did, consistently trying the shield, going to classes, pumping, etc. He lost more than 10% of his weight at his 3 day follow up. I cried and cried. I pumped and pumped, got up at 2am, 4am, etc and pumped. Ended up still having to supplement with formula and finally at 8 months I had no milk left, not even an ounce.
Had my daughter almost 2 years later. And she is a 100% breastfed baby. It’s crazy how different they are, and how different the situations are. They both are happy and healthy and that’s all that matters!! Way to go momma’s!!
So proud of you for figuring out what your baby needed and for having the courage to share your story. I’ve had 4 boys and they all had different experiences: 1 was supplemented, one fully nursed and the twins are full formula. #fedisbest
Wow! You can really see the difference between 1 and 2 months. I’m so happy you decided to do what was best for both of you! Thank you for sharing your story!
I had the same problem with all six of my children and felt like breastfeeding mothers ran me down because I could not breastfed
I could have written this myself except I started supplementing at day 4 because of jaundice and tried breastfeeding for 10 weeks. I tried so hard and at most I could pump 4oz a day. I finally got to the point where I thought “this is silly spending all this time pumping for one feed” and finally came to my sense and started to exclusively formula feed. Even after I made my decision, I still had friends say “have the tired this, have you tried that?” And some even suggested I go to the Jack Newman centre. I took fenugreek, blessed thistle and domperidone. I drank tons of water and every time my son at I tried breast feeding for 1-1.5hrs, then I supplemented and then I pumped. Then I repeated. I would set an alarm and get up at 2am because I was told breast milk production was at its highest at that time. I had people reiterate that it was a supply and demand type thing almost impkyingni wasn’t trying hard enough. To top it off I was having anflare of my RA, I could barely stand and there I was washing pumping accessories every 3 hrs. Then my life became all about feeding my son and I realized I wasn’t even enjoying him. I gave up and formula fed and carried around tremendous guilt that I had failed as a mother.
With my second I was much more prepared and determined to give breastfeeding again. I thought that my RA flare could have been the reason that I didn’t produce milk. With baby #2 she was hospitalized for 2 weeks with her so I again started the same routine right after birth except this time I had other obstacles. She was a late preterm with a poor suck. I saw about 4 different LC and at most could pump not even an oz. The one LC came for a recheck and basically told me I wasn’t producing any milk and that I had tried 100x harder than most mothers. I almost felt like I need this permission. Then when I would tell people I wasn’t breastfeed some would even ask me why I wasn’t using donated breast milk…so again in the eyes of the community of young mothers and breastfeeders I was a failure. Now I am older and wiser and the advise I would give my old self would have been to do what makes you happy, especially so you don’t have to hear your baby scream for what I now know was food!
Such a beautiful story! Thank you so much for sharing! I couldn’t help but cry reading this. I had a similar situation, but not as extreme. The pressure to breastfeed is very overwhelming. I’m so happy to have figured out fed is best. Congratulations on your adorable thriving baby! Condolences to you and your family on the loss of your father.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I also had flat/inverted nipples, and a little guy who just couldn’t get the latch. By 3 months he had fallen off the weight charts, I wasn’t sleeping, and my doctor had a heart-to-heart with me that my baby boy just needed to be FED so that we could all move forward and be happy. I threw my pump in the garbage and have been a formula feeding mom to a happy, healthy baby ever since.
I had lactation consultants tell me to ‘keep at it!” and that “every baby and mom can do this, if they really want to make it happen”. Meanwhile my babe was starving.
You are doing a GREAT JOB. I am too. Happy, healthy moms and happy, healthy babies are best!
Wow! I was so glad to see the 2nd photo of the healthy chubby baby, the first photo scared me into reading the story. Well done to mum xx
This exact same thing happened to me. My daughter went from eight pounds down to six and was peeing crystals. A doctor told me I was a hysterical mom. Luckily, those at WIC helped me weighing her every day and pumping, formula feeding only 1/2 oz in the beginning. It was a constant struggle. Alas at eight weeks she gained back her birth weight ant was top of the chart at one year. All the time though, I felt alone in my plight.
3 kids!! Same exact issue with the first one. I tried and I cried the first time we gave her the bottle..she cried and cried for the first 2 weeks of life no matter how much I would feed her. I felt like I failed. I’d pump and get maybe 2 ounces of super thin milk. After the lactation consultant came and gave her the bottle she stopped crying!!! AND slept (which she didn’t do before)! It took some time for me to get over the guilt after having it literally shoved down my throats my whole life that “breast is best” and I couldn’t give her that. 🙁 I still always breastfed first and followed up with a bottle of formula. My next two it was a lot easier to give formula. Fed IS best!!!
Inspiring and absolutely true!!! Thank you so much for sharing, it gives me strength and courage and allow me to be guilt free mom.
How sad that your doctor did not know better, did not know to tell you to supplement. My story has a similar beginning but, thanks to a marvelous pediatrician, a very different ending. My first child was born at 6lbs 8 oz. We were discharged after 24 hours. I had been given very little attention after her birth, from the nurses, and she was not really nursing much. They discharged us anyway. At home, I didn’t know if I was nursing correctly, it did not seem like she was eating, and there were no lactation consultants. I had not joined a social media group (this was 2003) so I had no one with whom to chat. All my friends either had older children or were childless. No one had had trouble nursing.
By the third day of her life, I knew something was wrong and called the pediatrician. They had us bring her in. She had lost more than 10% of her birth weight and was frantic, so we were instructed on how to use formula. The plan was as follows: I would wake her to nurse every two hours. Afterward, her father gave her a bottle of formula. The first few days, she drained the formula bottle. By the end of the first week, she took very little formula. By the end of the second week, she had gained enough weight that we got to stop the formula. My milk had come in and she was nursing just fine.
Fed is best.
I had the same feeling of inadequacy when my first child failed to thrive on breast milk. Finally, at 6 weeks when she was given a bottle of formula and slept 4 hours for the 1st time, I was overjoyed! I was starving my daughter and losing my mind. The worry and stress was real!
Thanks for telling your story. I feel better knowing fed is better.
My bottle-fed baby graduated from high school as salutatorian; has no allergies and has always been healthy. Breast is not always best.
Thank you for sharing. I couldn’t fill my son up, no matter how hard I tried/long I nursed. I got to the point where I didn’t want to touch him because he always wanted to eat. “Giving up” on nursing at 6 weeks has haunted me for years. Your story and your mom’s words in particular help me see that I did what was best for my family.
This is exactly what I went through with my own son- it’s heartbreaking and could have been much worse.. thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I also struggled with my daughter who was born under 5 pounds. She didn’t latch and I pumped…I set the alarm every three hours and it was pure misery! Every half an ounce gained was a celebration…followed by more pumping, continued lack of sleep, and emotional breakdowns. After three months I decided enough was enough and we moved to formula. What a difference! Breast feeding is not for everyone…I feel like there is such a societal pressure for women to breast feed, but as you said, the sanity of the mother is key. My daughter is now nine and the tallest girl in her class! Thank you again for sharing!
You are fortunate to have a very wise and caring mother
Thank you for this. My story with my boy is nearly identical. So heartbreaking and I’m just so glad it’s all over. Bless your heart. He is beautiful. ❤
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for writing this… As I read this, I cried the whole time because this is also my story… Every bit of it… It’s almost like I wrote this myself. I’m now expecting my second child in February and the anxiety and stress I feel every time breast feeding crosses my mind is unreal! Thank you for helping me see that #fedisbest…
I loved your story. I too felt that I needed to breastfeed bc “breast is best”. But after my milk came my daughter couldn’t latch and so on her 5th day of life I gave her a small bottle of formula….and she was finally full! I gave her both for 2 weeks, breast milk I pumped and formal until I finally switched to just formula. Now 10 months old she is healthy and happy. Noone ever explains how so very hard breast feeding is and that it’s really ok if you don’t or can’t. Way to go!
I am so sad you and your baby had this horrible experience. The pressure on new mums is crazy and it takes a strong person to stand up and speak for their child. Wishing you and your little one a brighter and less pressured future.
I went through the same thing. I switched to exclusively feed formula at 4 months and it took me til 6 months to accept my decision. Breastfeeding just wasn’t in the books for me. I was more successful with my second and went until 6 months. I still feel judged but I have freedom and by babies are healthy and thriving.
This was totally me too!
I have 3 beautiful children I tried breast feeding with all of them but it didn’t work for me I still feel like my body let me down, my son got 6-8 weeks, my eldest daughter got 4 weeks and my youngest got about 3 weeks. It’s a hard choice to make but my babies and myself were a lot more settled and happier with formula feeding. Breast feeding is really hard work and I’m all for fed is best because everybody needs to be fed to grow and develope properly.
Thank you for this wonderful read, it has helped me a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a difficult time with breastfeeding my son and had to switch to formula earlier than I wanted. It was the best choice for both of us, I was no longer stressed out and he was gaining weight like crazy.
I feel like I read my own story with the experience I had with my son. Thank you for writing this. I experienced the exact same thing.
My daughter is now 12 years old. Everyone around me breastfed their babies. My dad ghetto wouldn’t latch and I received pretty much no help in the hospital. Once we got home, she was hungry, not latching properly and I wasn’t producing any milk. My husband ran to the store and bought formula. What a relief once she was eating. I tried pumping, but never produced enough milk for her. My Doctor was wonderful and the guilt over not being able to breastfeed melted away. It’s hard enough with a new baby and everything else you were dealing with. You did the right thing for you and your baby.
Thank you. From the bottomed of my heart Thank You for writing this. You have validated my thoughts and emotions in my journey.
Thank you for this. This is literally my exact story and I felt like I was the only one. I felt so alone.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so similar to mine and made me feel better about my situation. I tried so hard to breastfeed until my mom pointed out that I was starving my baby. #fedisbest.
This was my story too in but in 1974. There were no lactation nurses or electric breast pumps. After four weeks of constant crying and weighing 1 1/2 lbs less than birthweight pediatrician wanted to hospitalize her.
My instinct told me my daughter was hungry and begged to just give her formula. He gave me three days and she gained 1 lb.
There is no shame in bottle feeding as contrary to popular belief not everyone can Breast feed for various reasons. Your son will continue to grow strong and healthy.
I had a similar experience with my son. I wasn’t producing enough milk, but I was determined that I had to breast feed even though my nipples were bleeding and my baby was miserable and losing weight. The doctor told me he was falling into a category called “failure to thrive”. After 2 weeks of hell for all of us, my husband finally gave him a bottle of formula. He sucked it down with a vengeance. It was such a relief when he started to gain weight. I pumped what I could and supplemented with formula. Today, he is a 6’2″ 15 year old playing varsity basketball in high school. He’s thriving just fine! When you are in it, it’s hard to see the perspective. I thought I was doing what was right, but I was so wrong!
I went through a similar situation. My baby girl wasn’t getting enough breast milk from me and was starving too. She wasn’t a good latcher and I had terribly sore breasts. I lost my young brother to an accident one month before her birth. I thought I had to try breastfeeding at all costs. After two months of hell, my husband said enough is enough and bought formula. She thrived after that. We never looked back. She’s now a healthy 11 year old. I wasn’t able to nurse my second child for very long either. But way less guilt with him. He’s 8 now. They turn out fine!!
Thanks for sharing your story! Ours was similar, with trouble from the start including using the shield, pumping constantly and what we were told was a tongue tie that had to be resolved.
In the end we pushed through four months, at which time she just quit bf for bottles exclusively. Those months were grueling and seeing friends continue to bf is difficult, but I try to remember that she is healthy and getting good nutrition regardless. Still, not an easy journey for a new mom so I empathize!
I was the same way…. tried forever, and at 6 weeks, after giving her a bottle of formula for the first time she slept for 12 hours!! I thought I killed her!! Really!! Once she was on formula she was a healthy baby! Thank you for telling your story!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! This is exactly how I felt!!!!! It truly is a life changing experience and when your baby isn’t eating it is so stressful. When you aren’t sleeping, he isn’t eating and you just want whats best, it is so overwhelming! I am so glad that there are other people that I can talk to about my experience. Again, thank you for sharing!!!
Oh my heck, YES. We had latch problems too, for the same reason, and every feeding turned into a scream out – me too! I had terrible post partum, and was so terribly depressed. I prayed about it, and God’s response was, “It’s more important for him to have a happy mom than it is for him to have breastmilk.” Amen, sister!
I am so glad you wrote this 🙂 I had a similar journey with my first born. It took a good friend and my very supportive family to remind me that taking care of myself was also taking care of my precious baby. God bless you and your sweet boy!
I had similar experiences. I just had no milk. By my third baby, I thought I had it right. He was happy,sleeping and just breastfeeding!!! Little did I know that he was starving and not gaining. He was just so content I had no idea. Bless you for sharing your story. There are so many breastfeeding moms that cast disapproving eyes when we pull out a bottle instead of our breast, not knowing the lengths we went to to try and nurse our babies.
My niece just had a baby and experienced the same thing. I finally looked at her and said do you love your mom any less because she didn’t have enough milk for you? Absolutely not! Again, thanks for sharing your story.