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When our son was born, he weighed 6 pounds 5 oz., and we had issues with him latching from the start. Part of the problem was I had flat nipples, so the nurse gave us a shield and showed me how to use it, and he seemed to do much better. He seemed to be a very content and alert baby. He lost almost 10 percent of his birth weight during our hospital stay, and we were discharged to see our pediatrician for a follow-up.
We continued to use the shield because he struggled to latch without it and were told to put it back on if he got frustrated trying to latch. I noticed that the shield would be full of milk when he finished. I also noticed that he wanted to eat for very long periods of time and didn’t seem ever to be settled during or after feeds.
My friends in Facebook mommy groups said this was pretty typical behavior and that he was just cluster feeding, so I continued to let him eat as often as he wanted, for as long as he wanted. I also never felt like my milk came in, at least not how my friends had described it. He didn’t get back up to his original weight by his 1-week visit, but the doctor didn’t seem overly concerned at that point because he had wet and dirty diapers.
At his 1 month appointment he only weighed 6 pounds 5.5 ounces. He had only gained ½ of an ounce and his pediatrician suggested I talk to the lactation consultant.
I went the next day to a group class, but the class was so large that I felt very overwhelmed and left early. I decided to attend the class offered at the hospital where he was born, where two of the nurses we met would be teaching the class. They had me first weigh him, feed him, and then weigh him again. When we weighed him after his hour-long feeding, the lactation consultant told me he had only eaten 20ml!
She suggested I start supplementing with formula and put me on a pumping schedule to try and increase my supply. We went home and immediately began the routine, and at the next week’s visit, he had gained nearly 2 pounds.
The nurse’s response was, “Wow! He must have been hungry.” He wasn’t just hungry, he was starving!
We continued the routine, and he continued to grow and thrive, but my supply didn’t seem to be increasing, and he still seemed so restless while nursing. The restlessness turned into full-on screaming after he nursed or drank a bottle of breast milk. I called his doctor, and she said it sounded like he had reflux. She prescribed Zantac and suggested that I cut dairy out of my diet. I met with my doctor for my 6-week postpartum checkup and told her about having to cut out dairy. She had experienced the same thing, so she sat down with me and went over things I could and couldn’t eat and what to look for on food labels. I also had a friend who did the same thing, so I followed her food plan, but he still would get so upset when he had any breast milk. After nearly a month of pumping every two hours, not eating, not sleeping, and trying to grieve the loss of my father, who had passed away two weeks before our son was born, I was an emotional mess.
My mom called me one day, and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown when she said, “he needs you to be healthy and sane far more than he needs breast milk.” At that moment, I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders. I made an appointment to talk to his doctor about not breastfeeding. I had difficulty accepting it and worried that she might push me to keep breastfeeding.
Her beautiful response:
“You’ve tried harder than 99% of the moms I’ve worked with to make breast feeding work, and it’s totally OK if you stop and exclusively formula feed.”
I cried in my doctor’s office because that was the validation and permission I was looking for. I tried so hard to breastfeed my baby, but it was certainly not what was best for either of us. By his two-month appointment, he had more than doubled his weight, and at six months, he is back to being a happy, observant, content baby and so far meeting his milestones right on schedule.
Formula saved my baby’s life!
I have felt so guilty, and it took a tremendous amount of courage for me to write my story. At the same time, I am so thankful my baby is now thriving and feel it is extremely important for other moms to understand that if your baby is not gaining weight, it is critical to figure out why and not assume everything is normal, no matter what popular breastfeeding mom groups on Facebook might say!
Bottom line: I could have lost my baby and my own sanity. For me and my baby, #fedisbest
I will be forever grateful for finding the Fed Is Best Foundation, and I am now committed to working with their advocacy team to promote #SafeBreastfeeding.
My story one year later. What I learned.
I had countless moms—some that I knew personally, many I did not—send me messages thanking me for having the courage to share and for saying the things they were too ashamed to admit. I had a mother message me and tell me, “these were the words I so desperately needed to hear right now.” I had friends and family message me to say that their friend or family member from another state had shared our blog and how proud they were to tell them that they knew me. I had friends message me that they never truly believed that there were mothers who “couldn’t breastfeed” until they read my story.
I Shared My Story a Year Ago And I Was Told To Go Kill Myself – How I Am Healing
For more information on protecting your baby from feeding complications due to early exclusive breastfeeding, please read and download the Fed is Best Feeding Plan, a way to communicate your feeding choices to your health care providers.
In addition, please read and download the Fed is Best Weighing Protocol to prevent newborn dehydration and failure to thrive.
To learn how to supplement your baby:
How To Prepare For Supplementing When Breastfeeding Your Baby In The Hospital
Feeding Your Baby—When Supplementing Saves Breastfeeding and Saves Lives
.
Lastly, please watch our educational videos on Preventing Feeding Complications for more detailed information.
Our full list of parent resources can be found on our Resource Page.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT FED IS BEST
There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:
- Join the Fed is Best Volunteer group to help us reach Obstetric Health Providers to advocate for counseling of new mothers on the importance of safe infant feeding.
- Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, and our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies, and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All of the Foundation’s work is achieved via its supporters’ pro bono and volunteer work.
- Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page, and by sending our resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
- Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
- Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, and family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
- Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and the mother’s rights to honest, informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
- Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles, and everything in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to feed her baby safely. Every voice contributes to change.
- Send us messages of support. We work daily to make infant feeding safe and supportive of every mother and child. Your messages of support keep us all going.
- Shop and Fed is Best Foundation will earn cash back! We hope to develop our online safe infant feeding classes with these funds.
- If you need support, we have a private support group– Join
We believe all babies deserve to be protected from hunger and thirst every single day of their life, and we believe that education on Safe Infant Feeding should be free. If you would like to donate to support the Fed is Best Foundation’s mission to teach every parent Safe Infant Feeding, please consider making a one-time or recurring donation to our organization.
I can relate with this sooo much! My second child was EXACTLY your situation! I tried so hard but ultimately gave in to formula and he thrived! My third was exclusively breastfed and I honestly regret not supkamenribg something. He was soooi tiny. My pediatrician supported me and I was so proud that I accomplished that, but looking back it’s sad. He started rapidly gaining weight at 7 months after we introduced solids and I felt so guilty. We live and we learn. Thanks for sharing your story!!
When my oldest was born he had to stay in the NICU and like you I tried to pump around the clock, the drs ever gave me a prescription for a medication that was supposed to increase my milk supply. My breaking point was when I pumped a bottle full of blood. Then when my second son was born I was scared the same thing was going to happen again but decided to try to breastfeed anyway, well I had an ABUNDANCE of milk with that one lol.
I have been there too. My oldest and i had a very hard time trying to breastfeed. She did not gain much weight for the first 3 months of her life and the doctor did bloodwork to make sure nothing was wrong. We ended up putting her on formula and she started growing wonderfully now she is 4 and perfectly healthy. finally with the third baby we got breastfeeding down and at 10 months she weaned. my middle girl had no interest in the boob she liked bottles much better. Fed is ALWAYS best.
God bless you for sharing.
I had this same internal battle and the same issue w my second child!
I beat myself up much like you and today my child is smart, healthy, and happy! I am happy and we enjoyed what was left of those sweet baby days!
Goodness lovely. I am so glad you all made it through that difficult time. Thank you for sharing.
Well done mom!! I would have been where you were had I had this happen!!!
Thank you for this! My baby was miserable and I was not happy, I tried to breastfeed with everything I had (biting on a towel and crying to get through it and then her still be just as unhappy afterwards), my husband finally broke down himself and went and got formula, she was starving and I was losing my mind… my pediatrician told me… a happy mom is a happy baby and a happy baby is a happy mom..I felt completely guilty and suffered some depression because I felt like a failure… not true but no one was there to talk to me about it and everyone around me I felt was breastfeeding no problem… and made me feel guilty for giving my baby formula… breast is best… no nutrition is best… happy to report today my little girl is thriving, she is one next week and she’s literally running and is a super smart happy fun loving baby girl. Thank you for sharing, I hope it gets other mommas out of their shell and know their not alone! Blessings your way
Wow. I’m blown away by how similar your story is to mine except that I stopped breastfeeding sooner. I also accidentally starved my baby. She lost well over 10% in the hospital and had stopped wetting diapers before her 2 week checkup. I felt so extremely guilty for giving up breastfeeding and also starving her the first 2 weeks but now that she’s a toddler I’m happy I had switched her to formula when I did. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone. Fed really is best.
This was exactly my story w my 3rd child Charlie. I was under tremendous amounts of stress and grief when he was born. Although he nursed and nursed and never really fussed as long as he was on the boob…. I felt my milk never really came in and he was losing weight. My pediatrician too treated me w the same sensitivity and kindness and I felt like he let me off the hook I had myself on… I cried and I love him for it. Definitely, definitely #fedisbest
There is so much pressure to breastfeed and as a first time mum you don’t want to give up. I struggled with it too especially the first few days as my milk hadn’t come through and my son was just a super hungry baby. I ended up having to give him formula by day three as he was starving and at the hospital the nurses weren’t too happy about it. I even had to sign a waiver saying that the hospital was not responsible! That night my son slept for 6hours straight. And to me that just showed as long as he was fed (wether it was formula or breastmilk) then I’m happy as he was happy. I tried to persevere with breastfeeding until 4months however he was happier on formula. I was proud that I managed that long. You just have to do what is best for you and your baby. Nobody else opinion matters. Thanks for sharing your story! Your son is gorgeous! ?
Thank you so much! I needed this!
– Adrianna
Thanks for sharing. I had an almost identical struggle with my now almost 6 year old and your article still brings tears. No one warms you how emotional breastfeeding is and how painful it is when you feel like you’re failing. I would have loved to have read this back then.
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It hits home for me because I had a hard time breastfeeding. I stopped shortly after I went back to work, so my LO was about 3.5-4 months when we stopped. I have felt that same guilt you described. Sometimes I still think, “What if…?”
I am so grateful for your experience because my other mom friends have breastfed much longer than I did, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Again, thank you. #FedIsBest
Congratulations to you, & God bless your mom & your doctor!! There is too much pressure put on moms to nurse…May you continue to have a happy & healthy little guy!!
Thank you! My baby is almost 5 years old. I struggled, cried, saw lactation nurses. I’m educated in the healthcare field but when it came to my own baby (and sleep deprivation) I did not realize I was starving my baby. The whole “breast is best” and the ideals that your body makes what your baby needs is setting up a false idea for mothers. Sometimes formula is best, especially when your baby is starving. Luckily, my little man is healthy and happy but new moms should know that formula is ok!
My little one and I struggled with the same issues when he was born. It took him almost a month to gain back up to his birth weight. His dr didn’t act too concerned. When he was a month old, I spent 4 days in the hospital for an unrelated issue and tried pumping while in the hospital but ended up supplementing with formula. He seemed so much happier and fuller after a formula bottle and finally started gaining weight. It was emotional to stop breastfeeding soon but I knew that was what was best.
Thank you!! I went through the same thing with my son and after reading this i don’t feel guilty about not breast feeding!!
Good job Mama have faith and know you did what was good for your baby. We know your struggles but just know we applaud your choices…..
This same thing happened to my daughter and I to a slightly lesser extent. She anyways seemed hungry and uncomfortable. I switched to formula and never looked back. She was on special acid reflux formula and finally became a happy, healthy baby. Never feel shame for giving your baby proper nutrition…breast milk or formula. Good for you mama!
This is very similar to my own experience though I was fortunate in having a great GP and health visitor. I too have flat nipples and wearing hard plastic inserts to draw them out before the birth did nothing to change that. I remember getting up to sit on the electric pump in the hospital two hours before a feed to try and express milk. When I got home it was worse trying to use a hand pump. After a couple of weeks I was exhaustted. I seemed to be either pumping or trying to feed her for hours every day plus I was topping it up with formula. Then one day the health visitor dropped in and said to me “You are getting all the disadvantages of breast feeding without any of the advantages”. She was right it was a dual feeding system. Like you my milk never really came in. I changed to total bottle feeding and my life and my baby’s improved overnight. My GP callled in (they did in those days). He saw I was upset, I felt a failure that I could not feed my baby, He said “I have four strapping lads, two of them were bottle fed and two breast fed. If I lined them up in a row you wouldn’t be able to tell which were the bottle fed ones”. He was right. I still believe breast feeding is best but sometimes it just doesn’t work and if the baby, or the mother is suffering because of that then you have to take a common sense approach. My baby is now 35, happy and healthy with two children of her own, both breast fed. She is a midwife and part of her job is helping people with exactly this sort of problem.
You go girl! I struggled for a month as well – My son would never latch. Formula was the best option for us and we were all happier after I let go of the guilt for not being able to nurse. Fed is indeed best. Thank you for writing this and may your sweet baby continue to thrive!
Wow. This story brought me back to where I was last year, when I struggled with the very same issue. Fed IS best. I’m so glad you’re in a better place.
http://www.lifeunrefined.com/how-my-breastfeeding-experience-led-to-depression/
This sad story sounds almost exactly what I went through with my first born Courtney. Thankfully she was almost 9lbs(!) when she was born but she lost a significant amount of weight, was dehydrated and my midwives and doctors kept pushing me to breastfeed exclusively despite her skin peeling from dehydration and weight loss. I supplemented immediately one night and she made huge gains. She was starving. Breast isn’t always best if your supply doesn’t come in. Some of us aren’t “doing it wrong” some of us just aren’t built to feed. With my second daughter named Harriet, I snuck in formula to the hospital because it was such a taboo subject and I didn’t feel like explaining my previous story. As no one ever believed that I was built this way and simply just not breastfeeding correctly.
I breastfed with about 1-3oz only per feed of milk and the rest formula for over three months each time. I fell into the rare category of those women with low supply. Not from anything I didn’t try but because it was the way nature built my breasts. I envy those that can feed and have ample supply. But some of us actually simply cannot. Thank you for this awareness it is very important to get the word out.
Thank u so much for sharing this! As an RN and a mother I wholeheartedly embrace this philosophy of making sure your child is well fed, no matter how.
In short, formula is not a poison…ok…it’s ok to feed your baby 100% formula!!!! I’m a mother of two…I hate to see those mom that try so hard and insist on just breastfeeding their baby….what is wrong with their mind? If u can breastfeed, both mom and baby feeling happy, then go for it…but if it doesn’t work out for both mom and baby…then just stop doing it….it’s that simple!
This truly resonates with me and I’m sure millions of other mothers. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey. Your courage will go on to help many other new mums who are going through a similar experience. Nobody tells you how hard breast feeding is going to be. So thank you for being the voice x
My story is almost exactly the same! I’m so glad people are starting to understand…it doesn’t matter if you breastfeed or formula feed, we all love our babies and only want what’s best for them!
This is amazing. I didn’t even get out the hosptal. I had a big baby 10pound 6. And he was getting upset and night before I was jue to go.home as had a c section. He cried all night and I did as I i was trying to feed. And he was feed but not getting any. Well or not a lot. But after a c section which I felt gulty over already and now could feed him. But most of the midwife made me feel terrble. Thier was 2 that was lovley. One look after my son when I had a shower and breakfast. And my husband came in and i was crying baby was crying. And he qent I’m not having this. And we made dission then. Midwife wernt happy I was made to sign a agrlment that it was my dission And they tryed. Which was terrble. I reather feed my child who was a hungry baby anyway. Then starve him. We need more people say bottle isn’t bad .
Thank you so much for being brave and sharing your story, mine mirrors yours and I struggled for years feeling like I had failed somehow! Both my babies needed formula as I was starving them while pumping, taking supplements and feeding all the time! It does happen and I’m so glad I now have freedom like you, to know that fed is best!
This is beautiful! I am in tears. Women need more support from one another and less judgment. #fedisbest
We agree!
Thank you! My daughter struggled so much with latching, we figured out she had a lip tie and we revised it, but even though she was eating every two hours or more, she was hardly gaining anything. From 3 to 4 months she only gained 4 ounces. We figured out that yes, the lip tie was an issue, but my milk has very little fat in it, so even if she’s frequently filling her little tummy, it’s like she had broth instead of the whole stew! It’s been hard to accept that after all the work I put into increasing supply and helping her latch better, that my milk isn’t enough! But she is doing so much better, she’s not just surviving to the next feeding, and she is gaining weight like crazy! She is so much happier, and when I’m not grieving, so am I! It’s so validating to see that I’m not alone!
With tears I thank you! We have never met but I understand your story. It isn’t identical but I too have felt guilty for having to stop breastfeeding. My milk wasn’t fat enough for my baby to gain weight. At 5 months he had LOST weight. I am so glad to have read this and will be looking into fedisbest!!
I bottle fed all mine from start i had seen too many starve because they weren’t getting enough.when my daughter had her 1st baby she breast fed and I watched it again so b4 I went home I went and got her bottles and formula 2 wks later she sent me a foto and her baby had finally put on weight and was not wanting to be fed hourly
I had the same problem!!! My mom told me that at least they got the colostrum at the beginning and that’s one of the best things they could receive! My little girl lost a pound in less then a week and I didn’t know I wasn’t producing enough for her until one day I pumped and in three days both breasts I only got 60 mL. Now that she is on formula she has doubled the weight the doctor wanted her to be at and is still growing fast everyday. She is such a happy baby now and like you said about your litttle one more alert and calm and even sleeps good at night now too <3 thank you so much for sharing your story because it helps me know that there are other ladies out there that had the same issue as me.
Much love,
Lauren
That is a very touching story! You tried and gave everything that is all your baby wanted nothing else. They just want our love and dedication. You are an amazing mom!
Thank you for sharing your story. I couldn’t breast feed due to breast reduction surgery 3 years prior to having my son, though he did latch and got something for the first few days after birth, I knew I would formula feed (and truthfully had no problem with this, it didn’t truly effect me emotionally, I wanted to breast feed but already knew the probability of it happening was very minimal). My aunt told me her story of when her first son was born, mid 1970’s, and she tried and tried to breast feed but her son was not interested, she went home from the hospital with her son and my Nana (her husband) out playing golf, and my cousin just cried and cried and my aunt felt defeated. She said she got her car keys and told my Nana she would be back. She went to the drug store and purchased bottles and formula. Got home made him a bottle and poof he guzzled the whole thing down. He never had a problem eating or gaining weight after that. My aunt told me that however you feed YOUR baby is the best way for YOUR baby. You are your child’s sole provider of everything to sustain life, so it doesn’t matter how they’re fed or what they’re fed, all that matters is that they survive and you in turn as the mother survive as well. They were very encouraging words to a new post partum mother. I hope your story helps so many other moms out there. 🙂
Thank you for sharing. More women, men, friends, professionals, ect need to know when to support a mom instead of increasing her guilt because they “know what’s right”. I felt so much guilt from the nurses, family members, friends, lactation consultants, even my husband when my son wouldn’t breast feed. I gave it my all, but there were problems no one understood. As mothers we need to respect one another and be aware of our baby’s and our own needs. Every situation is not the same, nor are you bad if things don’t go “right”.
Thank you.
I had to stop breastfeeding my son also and it was due to me getting sick…. I was devastated because I truly wanted to exclusively breastfeed…. But it’s was more important for both of to be healthy…. Thank u for sharing…
I’m glad that you posted this because people make you feel pressured to breastfeed when it may not be right for you or the baby. When I had my daughter and tried to breastfeed in the hospital, they kept telling me that she was cluster feeding but everytime I thought she was done and I put her down, she would start screaming. I was up for 48 hours. I tried to express my colostrum but there was only a dot. The nurse said “see it’s coming out.” They kept telling me to continue breastfeeding so I did. When I left the hospital and atill struggled when I got home. I said forget this and got the formula. When I fed my daughter I could her the milk going into her belly because she was so hungry. I felt so awful. But forumula fed babies are just as healthy as breastfed babies.
Thank you for sharing! I am a pediatric nurse that works with babies that have feeding problems and I have a 6wk old and we have a very similar story, except at our first Pediatrician visit the doctor suggested supplementing with formula. We then went back 3 more times for wt checks. That was hard and my milk supply is still minimal, but my baby is eating and gaining weight. Yes, breastfeeding may be best, but not if it’s not working! A lot of mom’s need to hear this message too! So again, Thank you!
This is literally my story! I have a now 5 yr old thriving boy. I can’t wait to read the tips for how to avoid this so I don’t have to go through that hell with my next baby.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. There is so much pressure out there to respond to our babies in certain ways – whether is be about feeding, sleeping, how we keep them occupied. It’s so easy to feel completely lost and overwhelmed by it all. Your baby is beautiful and completely blessed to have such a dedicated and loving mother. I’m dealing with issues of mothers’ guilt and it is so normalising to read your story and realise that I’m not alone in coping with a broken heart.
Thank you for this! This is exactly what I went through with my son and even though he is now a year and a half, I still have emmense guilt for not being able to feed him longer than a few months. But he is a strong, healthy, wonderful boy and our babies need to eat no matter what route and as long as we tried, and tried our hardest, that’s all that can and SHOULD be excepted and REspected. I’m so glad to know I’m not alone!
My son was 5 weeks early, emergency c-section. Fortunately, he had no complications and we left the hospital together. While at the hospital, I continuely told the nurses I didn’t think he was latching, only to be told “his diaper count is fine.” I knew something wasn’t right, so we stopped on the way and bought a pump. Long story short, he NEVER latched. I started supplementing at 1 month and pumped till he was 6m old. I WISH I would have switched to exclusively formula at the 1 month mark. I will never get back the time I spent pumping, that I could have been spending with my newborn. It would have also reduced the stress and anxiety and the feelings of being an inadequate mother I felt.
Literally, this was EXACTLY my experience as well, all the way down to the reflux. I feel that I have to explain to people everytime they asked me if my son was breastfed. But he is 2 now and so healthy. Fed is best
Wonderful article….I did not produce any milk with my first son, the hospital was great about it all. I’m about to have my second son next week, this particular hospital is very breast friendly. I’m not sure I’ll produce again this time, and are already dreading their repercussions. As far as I’m concerned, the importance is a healthy baby no matter breast or not! You’re an amazing momma!
Courageous to write. This was my experience too. I became a vocal advocate that fed is best and tried to help friends also feel comfortable with using formula.
The problem with the ‘breast is best campaign ‘ is how do u back peddle and tell someone it is ok to use formula after you have pushed the breast feeding agenda so hard?
It’s a shame you felt you had to breastfeed for so long, what’s right for one person doesn’t suit all. Very, very happy for you that you have sorted this out and your boy is now doing so well. Good luck for the future. And do what’s right for you two.xxx