by Jen Gamarano
I hate to admit it, but before I got pregnant, and even when I was pregnant, I was already a judgmental mom. I started watching documentaries about natural birth and breastfeeding years before I even entertained the idea of having children because it fascinated me. Women’s bodies are amazing. We are capable of growing, birthing, and feeding a brand new life and I was on board for doing all of it naturally because biology is perfect and I was made to do this – or so I thought. I looked at moms who opted for epidurals and thought “If only they knew about natural birth and how amazing it is”, or those who formula fed and thought “How sad” because breast milk is magical and formula will never be able to measure up. I hate to admit these things, but I have to admit them so you know just how much this journey has changed me.
Our birth plan was simple – deliver at the birth center with our doula and midwife, stay there for four hours, go home, breastfeed forever, and be happy. I’m lucky to have had a fairly short labor of nine hours but afterward was nothing like I’d imagined. I ended up transferring to the hospital to repair a third-degree tear. Lovely, I know.
We started to breastfeed at the hospital, and it hurt like they all said it would. L. had trouble latching but he was still nursing so I just tried to be patient. I had a rough first few days as my body tried to balance out hormones. I was shaky, hot, sweaty, mad, sad, and all-around miserable. I called the midwife who told me this was normal and advised me to stay in bed and “breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed”. So I did. The next day, my son started crying like crazy when I tried to latch him, and refused to nurse for a full 24 hours. The pediatrician told us to supplement with formula and I gave in because I felt sick, tired, and good lord, I wasn’t going to starve my child.
“The next day, my son started crying like crazy when I tried to latch him, and refused to nurse for a full 24 hours.The pediatrician told us to supplement with formula and I gave in because I felt sick, tired, and good lord, I wasn’t going to starve my child.”
When he finally started to latch again, it was clear that I didn’t have enough for him. He would get sleepy after only a few minutes of nursing, sleep for a few minutes, and then wake up crying and want to eat again. I spent a couple of days feeding him every 15 minutes and didn’t wear a shirt or see anyone during that time. I met with a lactation consultant who listed a whole slew of things that could potentially be wrong with him. I also learned that I had an infection on my nipple and he developed thrush, which made all of this infinitely more complicated and painful. I was still determined to breastfeed, so we saw two lactation specialists, an ENT, and an Osteopath to evaluate the little guy, and I tried every natural remedy in the book. I took supplements and tinctures, drank dark beer, pumped multiple times in an hour, saw another lactation specialist, ate almonds, stayed hydrated, pumped, nursed, pumped, nursed until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I got to the point where I just said without emotion “tried it” whenever someone gave me the advice to increase my supply. I was exhausted. I woke up to pump every morning and sobbed because I would only get dribbles and my baby just wasn’t getting that ever-so-magical breast milk despite all my best efforts.
I’ve heard so many different opinions about my son and me on our journey that I don’t think I can definitively say what the root cause of all of this was. The opinion that made me feel the most at ease was from our ENT who flat out said that not every baby is a fit for every breast. Until then, I’d been conditioned to think that since I was a woman, breastfeeding would be the most natural thing I’ve ever done. I forgot in all of this that all humans are different and that’s part of the beauty of life. I had to stop blaming my baby, and I had to stop blaming myself for “failing” at this. I had to give up the notion that this was, in fact, a failure, because it wasn’t.
This journey made me bake myself an entire humble pie and eat every last crumb. I started to look at breastfeeding and motherhood from a much different perspective. I came to terms with the fact that feeding my baby formula and the tiny bit of breast milk I did have was infinitely better than having a baby that couldn’t thrive and a sobbing mommy. I became grateful that I live in a time where formula exists to provide nourishment to my child.
“I became grateful that I live in a time where formula exists to provide nourishment to my child.”
Every mom out there is incredible. I’m proud of moms who breastfeed exclusively. I’m proud of moms who use formula. I’m proud of moms who do both. I’m proud of moms who have a natural birth. I’m proud of moms who use modern medicine to take away the horrible pain. I’m proud of every mom who chooses to do the best thing for her baby and herself. The sisterhood of motherhood is incredible and I’m grateful to be a part of it and share my story.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT FED IS BEST
There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:
- Join the Fed is Best Volunteer group to help us reach Obstetric Health Providers to advocate for counseling of new mothers on the importance of safe infant feeding.
- Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All the work of the Foundation is achieved via the pro bono and volunteer work of its supporters.
- Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page and by sending our resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
- Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
- Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
- Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and of mother’s rights to honest informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
- Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles and every thing in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to safely feed her baby. Every voice contributes to change.
- Send us messages of support. We work every single day to make infant feeding safe and supportive of every mother and child. Your messages of support keep us all going.
Thank you so much from the Founders of the Fed is Best Foundation!