Author: B. Jody Segrave-Daly, RN, IBCLC

My Daughter’s Life Lay At Stake And I Took Every Formula Sample Offered

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I’m the oldest of five kids. My husband has only one sister. Together, we knew that we wanted a large family. Yet, somehow, motherhood still came as a complete shock to me. I stumbled to breastfeed my first child and fed her some formula “on the sly” while I still figured out the damn process. I struggled to breastfeed my second exclusively. Somehow, I did, but I was diagnosed with post-partum depression when she was two months old. We had a space of time after she was born, and I learned whatever I could to breastfeed. I was determined to breastfeed any future children because what good mom would not want to give her the benefits of never getting sick, Einsteinian IQ, smoking hot body, and perfect social standing?

My third was born, and I tried to breastfeed her too. And at her four-month check, her ribs were showing, and our family doctor was worried. Tests that he ordered were not alarming, but did indicate developing problems. He referred me to a pediatric specialist. Dr. K was a godsend. He quickly went through a check, then just said, “ She’s just hungry, Paula.”

He took a little preparatory breath. “I hesitate to say this directly, but can you give her formula?” Honestly, I did feel a small punch to the gut—my mother had breastfed all of us, why couldn’t I?—and the thought of denying my child the supposed benefits seemed so…selfish.

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I Shared My Story a Year Ago And I Was Told To Go Kill Myself – How I Am Healing

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By Mandy Dukovan, MS, MFT, Marriage and Family Therapist, Fed is Best Foundation Senior Advisor

It’s incredibly hard to put into words all the things that The Fed Is Best Foundation has done for me over the past year.  I stumbled upon the Foundation when I noticed a friend of mine “liked” one of their blog posts. I was a first-time mom who was struggling with many different feelings and wasn’t sure who or where to turn to. My son was two months at the time and was just beginning to thrive after I began supplementing him with formula. While I was so happy to see my baby finally gaining weight and thriving, I had haunting memories and raw emotions that I struggled to sort out. I had immense guilt that I didn’t see the signs that my baby was hungry, which tortured me non-stop. I was embarrassed to look at his 1-month picture and now see that he was obviously malnourished, but how on earth did I miss this at the time?

MandyBrock

1 Month Old

I was angry that I didn’t follow my instincts that something was wrong with him and was angry that I believed all the terrible things I was told by lactivists that would happen to him if I gave him a drop of formula. I worried that we would not have the kind of bond that babies who were exclusively breastfed (EBF) experienced with their mothers. I now know our bond is much stronger because we bottle-fed him and no longer experienced the immense stress that came each time I tried to breastfeed my baby. I got to a point where I dreaded even trying to breastfeed him, but I was told that was the best thing I could do for my baby, so I kept going at the expense of my baby’s health and my well-being. I honestly believed I was the only mother who had experienced what we went through because I only heard the stories about how amazing and natural breastfeeding was, and every mother could breastfeed if only she tried hard enough.

Since I am a therapist, I knew I needed to share my story. I found courage in my strong desire for other babies and mothers not to struggle. I also found courage in the fact that I needed a reason for all of the suffering—I needed to know that Brock’s struggle was not in vain. I kept telling myself, “If I reach even one mother and prevent even one baby from suffering like Brock, then I have to do this.”  

 

Then I shared my story… Continue reading →

The Shaming Began In My Hospital Breastfeeding Course And Never Stopped

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The shaming began prior to delivery, at the hospital breastfeeding class.  A soon-to-be mom asked if she should keep some formula on-hand, just in case she was unable to breastfeed.  The lactation consultant (IBCLC) insisted she not keep any formula around because, as soon as you start feeding the baby formula, you will give up on breastfeeding and never forgive yourself! She also said it was rare for a mother to not be able to produce enough milk, which is not true.  I told her it was fine to get some formula, if for nothing than to relieve the intense pressure of exclusively breastfeeding that was being forced in our class.  The IBCLC also instructed us not to use our pump for at least twelve weeks, and even then, only if we were returning to work–because pumping would interfere our milk supply. I later learned this is also  not true.

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I Burned the SNS Supplemental Feeder In Our Backyard-My Story As A Supportive Breastfeeding Partner

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The first weeks of our baby’s life are hazy, but I remember Meredith’s gasps of pain when she tried to nurse.  I remember that the baby kept coming off the breast and crying and we had to get her back on.  It was a constant struggle of trying to get the baby latched, having to break her latch because of the pain, then her falling asleep, unlatching, then waking up and crying.  It was a seemingly endless cycle.  

When we brought the baby home from the hospital, she was crying and we couldn’t get her to stop.  I realized she was hungry and I gave her a bottle of formula.  She drank down four ounces, stopped crying, and went to sleep.  I felt relieved because I was able to make my baby happy and comfortable.   I told Meredith that the baby drank 4 ounces of formula and she said that was impossible, because an infant’s stomach  can only hold 5 ml, according to the nurse who taught our breastfeeding class.  We both now know that is untrue.   

The next day, we went to the lactation consultant at the hospital.  She told us to supplement with formula, but to give no more than 5 ml at once with a syringe—no bottles.  She said the baby’s stomach could only hold 5 ml (our baby was 4 days old) and we should feed her with a syringe to avoid nipple confusion.  The baby sucked those 5 ml down so quickly, it was ridiculous. I knew that she needed more than 5 ml, but I didn’t feel qualified to disagree with the lactation consultant.  Because she worked at the hospital, I assumed she was giving evidence-based advice.  So we fed the baby 5 ml at a time with a syringe.  When one syringe-full was insufficient to sate the baby, I often fed her multiple syringes at a time, even though I felt like it was wrong to do so.     Continue reading →

I Closed My Eyes As I Bit Down On My Gum And Waited For The Latch

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My daughter, “little L,” was born a healthy 8.8 pounds, exactly on her due date in late September, several years ago. Like most new moms, I had spent all 9 months studying up for my new job as a parent. And all the literature out there agreed that “Breast is Best!”.   I read and believed the unfounded claims that children who were exclusively BF had higher IQs, and were healthier than formula-fed babies. I read that I should NEVER, under any circumstances, feed my child formula. I decided to leave work and stay home for a solid 6  months to exclusively breastfeed. After all, the books and doctors made it sound so magical, easy, and most of all, crucial. I had no idea what I was in for.

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