by Jillian Johnson with commentary from Dr. Christie del Castillo-Hegyi
Landon would be five today if he were still alive. It’s a very hard birthday–five. It’s a milestone birthday. Most kiddos would be starting kindergarten at this age. But not my little guy. I wanted to share for a long time about what happened to Landon, but I always feared what others would say and how I’d be judged. But I want people to know how much deeper the pain gets.
I share his story in hopes that no other family ever experiences the loss that we have.
Jarrod and I wanted what was best for Landon, as every parent does for their child. We took all of the classes. Bought and read all of the books. We were ready! Or so we thought….every class and book was geared toward breastfeeding and how it’s so important if you want a healthy child. Landon was born in a “Baby-Friendly” hospital. (What this means is everything is geared toward breastfeeding. Unless you’d had a breast augmentation or cancer or some serious medical reason as to why you couldn’t breastfeed, your baby would not be given formula unless the pediatrician wrote a prescription.)
Sleeping comfortably a few hours after birth
Landon was born full-term weighing 3360 g or 7 lbs. 7 oz, born by urgent cesarean due to fetal intolerance to labor after the water had broken. [Previous publication of this blog said he had an emergency c-section. He was delivered by low transverse incision over 12-14 minutes, which is considered an urgent, not a STAT section.] Apgars were 8 and 9 and he was stabilized. He was transferred 2.5 hours later to the Mother-Baby Unit and returned to his mother. He exclusively breastfed with excellent latch for 15 – 40 minutes every 1-2 hours.
Landon, is 12 hours old.
Landon was on my breast —ALL OF THE TIME. The lactation consultants would come in and see that “he had a great latch and was doing fine,” but there was one who mentioned I may have a problem producing milk. The reason she gave was that I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), and it was just harder for women with hormone imbalances to produce milk. She recommended some herbs to take when I got out of the hospital.
While in the hospital, his mother’s risk factors for failed and delayed lactogenesis II (copious milk production) were identified by the IBCLC-lactation consultant. They were borderline diabetes, PCOS, issues with infertility, small, widely spaced breasts with minimal growth during pregnancy, being a first-time mom, and emergency c-section. Despite that, she was encouraged to exclusively breastfeed. She was closely monitored by a nurse, lactation consultant, and physician support. Her baby’s latch was rated as excellent.
By the first 24 hours, he had nursed a total of 9.3 hours, had zero wet diapers and four dirty diapers. By 27 hours, he had lost 4.76%. His nursing sessions became longer and longer until he was on the breast continuously by the second day of life. On the second day, he produced 3 wet diapers and 6 dirty diapers and nursed for almost 14 hours total. By 53 hours of life, he had lost 9.72%.
At this time, the scientific literature on wet and dirty diaper production has shown that the number of diapers produced have no correlation with adequacy of milk intake in the first 4 days of life. The only study on diaper counts has shown that even newborns who lose excessive weight can produce up to 6 wet and dirty diapers a day. In addition, at this time, the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative has produced no data on the safety of newborn fasting and weight loss caused by exclusive colostrum feeding and what degree of weight loss protects a child from brain-threatening complications like hyperbilirubinemia, hypernatremic dehydration, and hypoglycemia. So far, the scientific literature shows that babies who lose greater than 7% of their birth weight are at the highest risk of developing excessive jaundice and hypernatremia to levels that can cause long-term developmental disability. It has also been found that 10% of healthy, term, exclusively breastfed babies undergoing the Baby-Friendly protocol experience hypoglycemia to levels that are associated with 50% declines in the ability to pass the literacy and math proficiency test at 10 years of age, even if aggressively corrected.
Constant, unsatisfied nursing and inconsolable crying are two of the signs of newborn starvation that lead to brain-threatening complications. If a child is receiving a fraction of their caloric requirement through early exclusive breastfeeding, they can experience severe hunger and thirst, which is why they will cry inconsolably and breastfeed continuously when it is the only source of calories and fluid they are offered. If a mother’s colostrum does not meet the child’s caloric requirement, they will breastfeed for hours a day in an attempt to relieve their hunger. A child who is “cluster-feeding” may actually burn more calories breastfeeding than they receive in return, which can result in fasting conditions and accelerated weight loss. The constant nursing and crying often found in newborns by the second day of life have been called“The Second Night Syndrome” in the breastfeeding industry. This is also whenmothers receive the most pressure to avoid supplementation in order to increase rates of exclusive breastfeeding at discharge. Babies who reach critically low levels of reserve fuel and fluids before their mother’s milk comes in can be found lethargic with compromised vital signs after hours of constant nursing and fussing, at which time they are often diagnosed with hypoglycemia, excessive weight loss, and/or hyperbilirubinemia, all markers of starvation.
Did you know that newborns aren’t supposed to cry all of the time? They’re supposed to eat and sleep and dirty their diapers. I had no idea he was inconsolable because he was literally starving. And when a baby is only on the breast, how do we gauge how much they’re actually getting out? Sure, there should be wet and soiled diapers and weight checks, right? And where is the limit as to weight loss and a minimum for the diapers changed?
Being discharged with visible weight loss.
Landon was discharged at 64 hours (2.5 days) of life having lost 9.7% of his birth weight continuously and exclusively breastfeeding with a mother whose milk had not come in. These are routine and unremarkable findings in newborn babies discharged home to exclusively breastfeed. At this time, there are no studies using standardized developmental testing or serum markers of starvation that show that allowing babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight protects them from brain- and life-threatening complications, despite wide-spread perception that it is normal for exclusively breastfed babies to lose. Therefore, Landon’s mother was given no instruction to supplement. He was discharged with next-day follow-up.
So we took him home….not knowing that after less than 12 hours home with us, he would have gone into cardiac arrest caused by dehydration from unintended starvation because I was the mother who had no colostrum for my baby. The best advice I was given by one of his NICU doctors while he was on life support is that the breast is best, but follow with the bottle if they are still hungry.
This way you know your baby has eaten enough….if only I could go back in time.
Landon continued to breastfeed at home continuously and was found unresponsive, pulseless, and blue after eventually falling asleep from cluster feeding. His parents called 911. Per EMS, he was asystolic (no heart rate), and he received CPR en route to the local ER. By the time they arrived at the ER, he was found to have pulseless electrical activity (heart rate with no blood pressure). There, he was intubated and received several rounds of epinephrine. He was hypothermic with a temperature of 93.1 F. After 30 minutes of CPR, no cardiac activity was found on ultrasound. With parental consent, CPR was stopped, and he was left on the ventilator while continuing to receive IV saline. Twenty minutes later, with IV fluids, he regained his pulse. He was transferred to a Level III NICU to get the head cooling protocol for babies that experience a brain injury. He was diagnosed with hypernatremic dehydration and cardiac arrest from hypovolemic shock.
Landon is in the NICU on full life support.
I still have many, many days of guilt and questions – what if I had just given him a bottle? And anger because how would I have known? I trusted my healthcare professionals to protect my baby from harm. I remember when Stella, my daughter was born, and she was always quiet. I kept asking the nurses what was wrong with her. They said nothing. She’s doing what she’s supposed to. Sleeping and eating. And it was then that I realized that it wasn’t normal for a newborn to cry as much as Landon did. He was just crying out from his hunger. But I didn’t know. I should’ve known. I still struggle daily, feeling as though I failed him.
Landon received a brain MRI in the hospital which confirmed brain injury consistent with hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy or brain injury from oxygen deprivation due to low blood pressure from dehydration and cardiac arrest. He was diagnosed with diffuse seizure activity on EEG, the consequence of severe, wide-spread brain injury. Given his poor prognosis, he was taken off life support 15 days later. The autopsy report deemed the causes of death were hypernatremic dehydration followed by cardiac arrest causing hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy (diffuse brain injury).
Jill held Landon as he took his last breaths.
That little boy gave me ten of the most incredible life-changing months. I’ve been humbled. Challenged. My relationships have fallen apart. Some have come back together. I’ve learned forgiveness. And the true meaning of “life is short.” I love hard – to a fault. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing his death was in vain. I’ve learned so many lessons. I’ve learned the true meaning of compassion and unconditional love.
— Jillian Johnson
To Learn More About Ensuring SAfe and ADequate Feeding While Breastfeeding Your Newborn
Order the Fed Is Best book at all major retailers or by clicking on the button below. With it comes the Fed Is Best Book Resource Page, a free online guide to safe and adequate breastfeeding.
The Fed is Best Foundation is dedicated to the prevention of newborn and infant starvation from insufficient exclusive breastfeeding. We do so by studying breastfeeding stories sent by mothers and the scientific literature on breastfeeding complications that lead to infant brain injury and death. Since the beginning of our campaign almost two years ago, we have received tens of thousands of newborn and infant starvation stories leading to the complications of hyperbilirubinemia, dehydration, hypernatremia, hypoglycemia, and failure to thrive. These complications occur because the current breastfeeding guidelines have not been studied for safety and operate with little awareness of the caloric and fluid requirements of newborns nor the amount transferred to babies until complications have already occurred. “Just one bottle” can save a child from these tragedies as it is often a mother’s first clue that a child is, in fact, starving from exclusive breastfeeding.
If your baby is experiencing distress and signs and symptoms of starvation, we encourage you to advocate for your child. We encourage mothers to notify hospital administrators if they are pressured to avoid supplementation to alleviate their child’s hunger. You have the right to feed your child, and your child has the right to be fed. No one but your baby knows how close they are to empty. The only way they can communicate distress is by crying. Listen to your baby and listen to your instincts.
Our message is simple. Feed your baby. Feed them as much as they need to stay safe and satisfied.
How to supplement your baby until your milk comes in:
How To Prepare For Supplementing When Breastfeeding Your Baby In The Hospital
Jillian Johnson: My Message To Parents During World Breastfeeding Week-Just One Bottle
http://fedisbest.org/2022/01/nigerian-mother-speaks-out-about-her-babys-death-after-being-told-to-keep-exclusively-breastfeeding-what-she-wants-human-rights-organizations-to-know/
My Baby Suffered And Almost Died–Why Are The Risks Of Exclusive Breastfeeding Not Taught To Mothers?
Just One Bottle Would Have Prevented My Baby’s Permanent Brain Damage from Hypoglycemia
Feeding Your Baby—When Supplementing Saves Breastfeeding and Saves Lives
U.S. Study Shows Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative Does Not Work
NICU Nurse Discloses Newborn Admission Rates From Breastfeeding Complications in BFHI Unit
Nurses Are Speaking Out About The Dangers Of The Baby-Friendly Health Initiative
http://fedisbest.org/2018/11/neonatal-nurse-practitioner-speaks-out-about-the-dangerous-and-deadly-practices-of-the-bfhi/
Hospital Drops Baby Friendly Program After Doctors Baby Was Harmed
Letter to Doctors and Parents About the Dangers of Insufficient Exclusive Breastfeeding
Two Physicians Describe How Their Baby-Friendly Hospital Put Their Newborn in Danger
Fed is Best Statement to the USDA Regarding the Harms of the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative
Nurses Quit Because Of Horrific Experiences Working In Baby-Friendly Hospitals
Nurses Are Speaking Out About The Dangers Of The Baby-Friendly Health Initiative
“Is Baby-Friendly Safe?”: BFHI Safety Issues Discussed at National Neonatology Conference
CONTACT US/VOLUNTEER
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN THE FED IS BEST FOUNDATION!
Our mission statement is:
The Fed Is Best Foundation works to identify critical gaps in the current breastfeeding protocols, guidelines, and education programs and provides families and health professionals with the most up-to-date scientific research, education, and resources to practice safe infant feeding, with breast milk, formula or a combination of both.
Above all, we strive to eliminate infant feeding shaming and eliminate preventable hospitalizations for insufficient feeding complications while prioritizing perinatal mental health.
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There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:
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- Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All the work of the Foundation is achieved via the pro bono and volunteer work of its supporters.
- Sign our petition! Help us reach our policymakers, and drive change at a global level. Help us stand up for the lives of millions of infants who deserve a fighting chance. Sign the Fed is Best Petition at Change.org today, and share it with others.
- Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page and by sending our FREE infant feeding educational resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
- Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write to them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
- Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
- Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for the legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and of mother’s rights to honest informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
- Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles and everything in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to safely feed her baby. Every voice contributes to change.
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- Shop at Amazon Smile and Amazon donates to Fed Is Best Foundation.
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For any urgent messages or questions about infant feeding, please do not leave a message on this page as it will not get to us immediately. Instead, please email christie@fedisbest.org.
Thank you and we look forward to hearing from you!
Parents tell us they were not taught how to supplement their babies safely, if necessary to prevent exclusive breastfeeding complications.
For more information on how to protect your baby from feeding complications due to early exclusive breastfeeding, please read and download the Fed is Best Feeding Plan, a way to communicate your feeding choices to your health care providers.
In addition, please read and download the Fed is Best Weighing Protocol to prevent newborn dehydration and failure to thrive.
Lastly, for more detailed information, please watch our educational videos on Preventing Feeding Complications.
Our full list of parent resources can be found on our Resource Page.
If you wish to help parents learn how to protect their newborns from accidental starvation, please share this story and sign our petition to demand that the CDC, the AAP, the U.S. Surgeon General and the WHO/UNICEF Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative warn parents about the dangers of newborn and infant starvation from insufficient exclusive breastfeeding. Go to http://fedisbest.org/sign-our-petition/.
Please consider making a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation to support its mission of providing safe infant feeding education and support and raise awareness on the harms of insufficient infant feeding.
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Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤❤❤
Jillian, I am so sorry for your loss! I know this is a loss from which you may never recover. Please don’t live with guilt! As new mothers, we only do as well by our precious babies as the advice we get, via books, drs, nurses, etc. when my first was born I certainly didn’t know everything I should! I pray that you won’t live with blaming yourself. You did the best you could for your sweet boy. God bless you and your family. ??????
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your loss. I had trouble making enough milk for my son. The lactation consultant had my doctor give me a prescription for reglan, which boosted milk production, but only while I was on it. When the script ran out, my OB office hassled me and refused to refill it and my PCP kept referring me back to OB for script. I was only making about 6 oz of milk daily pumping. I ended up having to supplement or my son’s story would have been similar. I felt like such a failure. There definitely needs to be more discussion regarding this issue.
Wow. How sad. Seems like these medical professionals were a little ametur. My girl was weighed before and after feeding, to see how much she ate. I hope this story raises awareness to speak up when you feel something is wrong. Mom knows best.
I’m so blessed that you have shared this story, I could only imagine how hard it must be to do so. I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with my first child.. a little girl. I’m beyond anxious, as well as my husband is. We couldn’t be more excited for our new journey, but we’re young.. this is our first and just like many people we have so much to learn. I was diagnosed with PCOS in high school, it’s been such a roller coaster ride of an experience with this syndrome, but God has blessed us with so much in life. I’m thankful you shared your story because I plan to breastfeed but I had no clue that I could have a problem producing, so again thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so very sorry about your loss, may God bless you and your family.
From: An anxious first time expecting mother.
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart breaks for you as Im reading this. ♡
Thank you for sharing, my daughter was the same at 2 days old as she had an undiagnosed tongue tie which meant she couldn’t feed. She cried loads when she was tiny. She lost about 12% of her birth weight. I got nipple shields which did help. But I gave in and did bottle feed.
I then got told “that’s a shame” by the midwife. I think you’re made to feel you’ve failed whatever you do if you don’t do it exactly how the book says.
Nothing wrong giving your baby a bottle if your milk haven’t come in yet!! When my baby was born the nurse told me the colostrum would be enough til my milk comes in and no need to give her a bottle as it will confuse her. That night we were discharge and she was crying every time I put her down n she was on my breast feeding constantly. Finally I chatted w my sister in law who just had a baby couple months before me and reminded me my baby is probably hungry cause my milk haven’t come in yet n to hurry and give her a bottle. So I quickly give her a bottle and sure enough she gobbled it all down n fell asleep!! Thank goodness I did that!! Now I always tell my friends who are pregnant to give their baby a bottle if their milk haven’t come in yet n not to worry about about confusing the baby between the breast and the bottle and to go w their instinct and not by what the doctor and nurses tells you because they are not always right!
Thank you for sharing! I’ve been a big breast feeding advocate. My first was a breeze after initial hurdles and I bf her to 16 mos. My second brought me back to reality. I could only make it 5 mos with her. She fought every time I tried to Latch her. She was eating, gaining weight. Just difficult. With her, I started to understand more about some of the struggles women gave with it. I still believed that women who bottle fed while in the hospital was because the mother didn’t even try and it saddened me. Thank you for opening my eyes. Dr’s and Nurses don’t get it right all the time and things like this can and do happen. I’m so work for your loss.
First of all my brave girl may I say how much I admire your courage in sharing your incredibly sad story. Your little boy is beautiful and you did everything for him that you thought was right at the time. The medical staff involved in the care of you and your new baby have a lot to answer for. You were not given the correct care and advice that we expect from the professionals when we put ourselves in their hands.Take care of yourself and your family my dear, and don’t ever feel that what happened was all your fault. ????
Wow Jillian my deepest condolences to you and your family. Baby Landon was absolutely beautiful and I pray you get the strength to move on. This is so hard for me and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Thank you for sharing the experience. I’m soon to be a new mom and can’t be more grateful to have stumbled upon your experience. Thank you for the eye opener. God bless you always
I am so sorry for your loss and your story is beautiful. I am also very sorry that your hospital and nursing staff are clearly incompetent!
Thankyou for sharing this emotional roller coaster how sorry I feel that this should not have happened but the fact that you have the courage to share for the benefits of others is humbling.
All midwives community nurses and students need to have this awareness included in their training. So very sorry and we’ll done for raising awareness Margaret in Cheshire ?
Your story just breaks my heart.!I have been an OB /labor RN for 41 years . Do I support breast feeding? Of course I do! I breast fed both my kids for a year,and it IS the perfect food for babies hands down. But I think we have swung the pendulum a little too far sometimes…. in that those mother-babies who have difficulties at first,(there are MANY who do.. trust me on that).. are made to feel tremendous guilt and failure at the hands of some of the so called “experts” ( I call them breast feeding Nazis! …shhh!!) PLEASE this is YOUR baby.. trust your gut! If the baby nurses well and is still screaming/frantic…PLEASE insist on a small amount of formula supplementation. Contrary to what some may tell you or infer…it will NOT cause any permanent damage to your bonding or lactation to supplement a little formula at the beginning , before your child is in jeopardy. Again Jill, I am so sorry you had to endure such an awful,preventable loss .May God bless and comfort you.
You did not fail your beautiful baby boy. The nurses and doctors failed you. You trusted them, as we all would. It is not your fault for trusting the experts. xo
Thank you so much for sharing your story. May God bless and keep your family. I thought I was the only one who had a bad experience at a “baby friendly” hospital. I had my oldest and youngest boys at the same hospital, 6 years a part. Both experiences were completely different. The second time around I was told that the hospital had become baby friendly and I quickly learned that baby friendly is certainly not mom friendly. I was so upset by the way they treated me, including scolding me for wanting to use a pacifier and telling me I didn’t need formula when I asked for it. They said that if I loved and was committed to my baby and was just patient, I would produce enough milk to feed my son. My son “cluster fed” on day 2 all night and day. We were both miserable and beyond crying when we left the hospital. As soon as I got home, my mother made a bottle for my son using formula a friend had given me, after I passed out on the couch. My son and I both slept for the first time in days. And, when he woke up, he nursed just fine. I ended up lodging a formal complaint against the hospital because they made me feel like a failure for just trying to find the best way to feed my baby. Thank you for sharing your story. My prayer and hope is that sweet Landon and your family help to teach, reach and change things. You will continue to be in my prayers.
Wow, Kaymac..thank you for sharing your story as well. I have never heard of a “baby friendly” hospital. May I know what state, if not the name of the particular hospital it is? I am in Texas.
I am so sorry you had to go through the shock of change, my patients have this over and over. I was an avid breastfeeder and I am still a neonatal nurse. This has been forced on us. Please cry out for change. We are not a third world country and there must be balance! Why is the WHO allowed to do this? The nurses and pediatricians are being forced to do this. Fight the fight please
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am beyond saddened and I know it is easy for us others to say, but please don’t blame yourself. My heart goes out to you and your family and thanks again for sharing about your wonderful Landon.
I wish I could release you from any feelings of guilt. Thank you for sharing and your Landon was one handsome baby.
My brother and his wife were similarly confused with their newborn this past summer. By luck they got to the hospital in time and after reheydration, testing, monitoring a few days, my nephew was released and is thriving. I wish Landon and those who love him could have been as fortunate.
I will always believe FED is BEST…and we need to do a better job educating first-time parents, especially, about WHY it is.
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I call Leleche League a cult. They pressured me to NOT give supplements with my first child so much that I was almost reported to Child Protective because my son was losing weight instead of gaining weight. I did not have Polyovarian but I was a first time nervous mom and regardless of the reason, a baby should not starve at the risk of of giving breast feeding a bad name.
I went on to have 3 more kids and I nursed them all but I did supplement the 1st three and have no regrets except I got caught up in a cult.
I agree. After a difficult labor and an emergency C-section during which I lost a lot of blood, I was still pressured to breastfeed. Being an older mom (39), I had already decided I did not really want to breastfeed because I needed help from my husband and other family members and did not mind starting with formula. My daughter also had trouble latching on and I just gave her formula from the start. The breast feeding specialist kept coming into my room for days and multiple times – too many times until it became intrusive – and I finally had to give her a piece of my mind. It is terrible and unethical to make a first time Mom feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Always trust your gut, my dear moms.
thank you for sharing sorry for your loss
i feel that the hospital and its staff could be held accountable they should have assisted fed him (bottle/formula)
I fully agree!
Such a sad and beautiful story! I am so sorry that Landon is no longer here with you. Prayers that you will have comfort and peace and find joy again through this.
Thank you so much for sharing!
You are NOT to blame. You did all that you could given the information you had at the time …that is a most difficult reality in life. Your pain and love for your son pours from these words and I am so deeply sorry for such loss. May your sharing of this story bring you some peace and purpose tht gives you strength to carry on … until onenday when Landon is your arms again.
So sorry for your loss. My son is 9 yrs old today but when I took him home I didn’t know that he wasn’t getting any milk from me. He was always sleeping and when he wasn’t he was eating, but not. I called the health nurse a couple of times out of concern and when she finally came she told me he needs a bottle right now. He was starving. I was a mess. My sister had to rush over with milk for him. It has taken years to be able to talk about without crying. I was so angry. The pressure that was put on me to breastfeed was probably the actual reason I didn’t produce any milk..stress… so bless you and your family.
I am so sorry your son and your family went through this. It really hit home with me as my daughter had lost over 10 percent of her weight in the hospital in the first day due to me not producing. Even her being my second child I wonder if I would have known or questioned if the hospital staff would have been like the staff at this hospital. My daughter could have easily been your son. I hope you sued this hospital until they had to close their doors. It is 100 percent their fault your baby is gone and it is deplorable. I hope they are never able to hurt anyone’s child again. Thank you for sharing and if anyone judges you for your story they are heartless because this could happen to anyone.
Go to nursing school and be a maternity nurse than say a hospital should be sued until they close its doors .
This horrible tragedy was due to many varriables –
Non of them were due to the mother
However , not solely the hospital , doctors or nursing staff .
Thank you for sharing. ❤
I am so sorry to read your story. It is such a heart wrenching experience and something that is preventable. This was almost our complete story. The second day relentless crying, cluster feeding etc I asked midwives constantly and was always answered in the same way (almost demeaning), that babies do this and keep trying. Thank god one midwife hours later finally took me seriously and did a glucose test, where nothing registered. My baby was rushed to special care, put on a glucose drip and thank god I insisted on formula being given. He survived. We have developmental delays as a result but my boy is alive! In the months that have followed, I too wish I could go back and whisper in my ear (first time mum unsure of everything) to push harder and just give him formula. I would also to go back and give myself strength to deal with the very rude and unempathetic nurses I encountered in special care who’s words still traumatize me to this day.
Thank you for sharing your story in hopes to save others. Hopefully others will read this and learn about what you went through so they can try and prevent it from happening. You are so strong and did what you thought was best and loved him. How would anyone know as a first time mom. It’s hard to know what’s wrong when they cry and you did your best. Your so very brave for sharing this. Thank you and so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss.
The pressure to exclusively breast feed is enormous and I too experienced this as a first time mum after the emergency Caesarean section birth of my daughter 14 years ago.
The private hospital was extremely pro exclusive breast feeding and the expectation and consequent despair I felt at not succeeding was simply awful.
I remember expressing milk from both breasts simultaneously using a pump and blood being mixed in with the little milk I managed to produce. At one point a nurse literally slipped me a breast guard on the quiet to try and alleviate my cracked and split nipples in an attempt to help me but to no avail. My baby simply couldn’t attach properly and get enough milk. I remember the pain and distress and tears I went through at not being able to feed her the way I was supposed to… and the overwhelming guilt. It took away from the joy of my baby.
I went from the hospital after discharge to a breast feeding clinic and tried all day to get it right, with little success.
It was later that night at 1pm, after my own mother handed me a warmed bottle that I finally gave in and feeling a failure, I bottle fed her. She hoed into it and fell asleep in my arms… we were both relieved and never looked back.
Reading your story reminded me of this distressing experience and the desperation I felt at the time and of how wrong I still feel the hospital was to send this message to mothers. I even later found out they had been “topping her up” in the nursery without my knowledge with… formula!
I applaud you for your bravery in standing up through what must be extremely difficult memories to help the plight of others. May God bless you and your family. xo
Its so sad I’m so sorry for you and your family and little Landon poor little lad had to go through that he at peace now in a nicer place now you precious mum you need to find peace too and rember you did everything you could have you were a new mum and medicated and you relied on the so called professionals my heart breaks for you and your family and if anyone says anything bad to you about this just remove them from your life because you have nothing to feel guilty about if taking care of Landon is you guilty then I guess every mother in the world is guilty just rember one thing Little Landon does not want to be looking down at his precious mum miserable and feeling guilty he wants to look down and see you happy and hopefully enjoying his little brother or sister you might have in the future that will make so I hope you heal good luck take care From Irish
Thanks for sharing! My son would’ve been 5 this year too. It is a big milestone we are missing. My son passed when we removed life support at 6 days old. A much different circumstance but similar. Yes. Life is so short. Im forever a different person. Hugs Mama.
Elizabeth, can we discuss with you your son’s case?
Thanks for sharing! So sorry for your loss! In loving memory, on his 5th birthday, I will watch your video.
Oh, my dear. I was so moved with compassion reading your honest article. Thank you for your transparency. He did not die in vain. You are not to blame.
Thank you for sharing your story. I never knew newborns weren’t meant to cry. I will share your story with every person I can. You are so brave.
Thank you for sharing. You are so brave Momma. My hearts for you and your loss. ?
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I promise you that you are not alone in this guilt. After 2 days of my daughter being home she constantly wanted to feed and cried as if she was starving. My breast pump had not come in and I had no idea my breast were clogged. She wasn’t getting any milk. At 1 am in the morning, I finally told my husband, I don’t think she is getting milk, she can’t be this hungry all the time. We happen to have Similac that was sent to us, so we tried it. Our baby girl tool that bottle quicker than I could finish my thoughts. After that I said, breastfeeding is great but bring fed is way more important. I am so sorry for your loss and there are not words to say to make you feel complete again. But know sharing your story has helped someone… I promise that. God bless you and your family. May God heal your heart and may you not feel shame for this. It is an honest mistake and more need to learn from your pain.
Thanks for sharing. I kept trying to breastfeed my son, not realizing he was unable to extract milk. I was encouraged by hospital lac consultants. I didn’t understand his cries and lethargy were from starving. I was resistant to formula, but luckily I was encouraged to pump & give bottles. I feel very fortunate that I did not have the outcome of the mom in this heartbreaking story.
My heart my soul my love with you . May you find peace and one day when your destiny will call you you will meet and you will get the biggest hug you needed souvh and the forgiveness you were looking on this earth . I love you and send you lots of hugs
ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING. My baby had tons of trouble latching at the hospital. She lost %11 of her weight by the time we went home 3 days later. I was a nervous wreck!! I was so afraid she was going to die. I had so much anxiety. I was pumping all the time and would syringe the colostrum in her mouth. She did receive one bottle at delivery for low blood sugar. That one bottle may have saved her life. It wasn’t until the 4th day I got a better lactation consultant who would weigh her before a feeding and after. This is how we could tell how much she was getting. This finally made me relax that she was getting what she needed. So, the pedi had also said babies live off virtually nothing the first few days. I do remember her crying all the time and being so disturbed by her cry. I interpreted it as pain from hunger. This story actually confirms alot of my gut fears were solid and not just postpartum blues. I would wake at night trembling. This poor woman lost her baby right when I could have. I don’t understand why it went ok for me. Perhaps because my baby is a female and could survive differently, or perhaps it was the one bottle. I had so many different suggestions from so many lactation consultants etc that my head was spinning. I feel so bad for this woman because we have so much info out now that we have to filter and take in. I do believe that this woman didn’t have fear because God had sent her an angel to calm her. Her baby was not meant to live very long and she was spiritually being prepared with Gods peace. She didn’t know his crying was a dying cry. I am not sure anyone would know. No one else in the medical staff caught on either. This is unusual. I truly believe this as a comfort because it could have happened just like this to my baby. I hope she can find comfort that other babies have made it through that horrible struggle. Everyone of us is going to die. I am so glad she found a way to work through this and share the love she felt in a short time. Pediatritians do try to come up with protocols to catch babies in trouble. It truly breaks my heart this little guy’s sickness wasn’t caught. It’s standard to check glucose, bilirubin etc. They did on mine. I’m guessing it’s because she wasn’t latching well so more eyes were on her. Plus, I was gestational diabetic. So many red flags were in place for my baby and this poor woman and baby didn’t seem to have any. I know he had a low sodium level but what was his glucose? It’s so hard to figure out what practice can be put into place to prevent this. I could talk so much more but I want you to know this story made an impact on me and how I will help woman and babies in my job as a labor and delivery nurse. Thank you for sharing. God wanted you to get this story full of messages of his love out.
Oh my goodness! My jaw is still on the floor from reading this!
Honey, God bless you and your family and thank you for sharing this with others. I couldn’t imagine.
Pray and you don’t have to be strong at the moments you feel that you just can’t.
First off let me say with all due respect there were many, many warning signs and this completely discust me!! I am so sorry for your loss you shouldn’t even have had to endure this! Being a new mother it definitely was not your fault! On another note, I say this with all seriousnes, “Where is the lawsuit?”. I’m not trying to be funny this is clearly bad malpractice from all physicians and RN’s on that staff. I recommend you take legal advice and push it as far as you can if you haven’t already! Again, I am sorry for your loss this is tragic at best and I would hold them accountable. Every bit. These people do not need to be delivering children.!!!!!!!!!! Please do seek legal help I believe someone would help you. There shouldn’t be any reason for the ignorance of such kind. And I’d like to know your location!?
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Watkins
So sorry for your loss. I just can’t imagine….
I believe if it’s your true goal to breastfeed, all for it.. I did it for a year and a half on a metabolic special needs baby. I believe it’s a very very safe option to follow up a bottle of supplement after being on breast. Especially during the first few days of life, as milk comes in.. reasons.. this article, dehydration following into cardiac arrest. My own personal experience has to do with my daughters metabolic disease and hospital refused supplement formula after birth.I was grateful however when she was admitted at 3 days old for hypoglycemia with a sugar level of 40 the hospitals peds unit provided d10(sugar basically) and for that .. it ismy savior. It’s a tad different than this story but let me continue..While I was In the hospital I did this thing called triple feeds. I would put her on breast, follow up with formula with the help of someone feeding her, and then pump. I eventually went to pumped milk fed, breast, formula and pumped.. then the cycle over and over for 24hrs. It was exhausting but it maintained my milk while I supplemented and kept her alive. The details are different from this healthy born baby in article, and maybe my journey in the beginning was hardcore. But bottom line is that it saved her life. However even a healthy baby could die from similar situation such as dehydration. My story was due to baby sleeping too much, not eating and the disease causing her to go into hypoglycemia from no sugar intake. It’s called mcadd if your curious. Super rare. But we didn’t know till new born screening came back 3days after birth and that’s when we were hospitalized. The staffs intuitions were not there. And like this mom in the article. If I could have just given her one bottle I would have avoided the hospital and her shock/crisis. My baby survived but it has been a rough battle during the baby months exclusively breastfeeding a metabolic special needs baby. This baby however had no disease.. completely healthy.. but still passed away from lack of supplement being offered. I have so much pain for her losing her baby over something so simple. Breastfeeding is amazing but let’s break the mold of it being the best and the only option.. formula saves lives as well and some may not see the true benefits of it long term.. that’s their oppinion. But from a medical necessity.. it is great. It’s kinda like insurance for your tatas (supplement for first week). I don’t understand why it’s not even offered as a supplement in most hospitals.
Thank you for sharing your story.. I’m pregnant now with my 4th child but haven’t had a newborn in 14 yrs so it’s almost like starting new even though I did breastfeed my twins I am very concerned to do it now since I am older and may not produce as much milk. This has definitely made me aware of what can happen. Thank you and I’m so sorry for the loss of Landon.. he will always be with you ❤❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. After my C section, my daughter kept losing weight and crying uncontrollably as well. Nurse Gretchen from Loma Linda begged me to feed my newborn a bottle and I declined. Finally, before Gretchen’s shift was over she pleaded with me to bottle feed her with a tube taped to my finger. She insisted that she wouldn’t be able to sleep that night unless I tried (she knew my daughter was hungry) but I didn’t believe her. I finally gave in and my daughter drank up the whole 2 ounces. She stopped crying and slept for the next 4 hrs. If it wasn’t for a PUSHY nurse begging me to bottle feed, I probably would’ve lost my daughter. This was not your fault, the nurses should’ve kept him at the hospital until he gained weight. Thank you for sharing your story. ?
This story is so tragic. I seriously suspect that your baby may have had an underlying fatty acid oxidation disorder such as MCAD Deficiency. With too few carbohydrates in the body they run out of enough energy to sustain life as their bodies cannot use their fats as a source of energy, thus resulting in rapid deterioration and sudden death. Was your baby ever tested for anything like that in his autopsy? We have a child with MCAD and are so thankful she was diagnosed before something tragic happened. What you described about your baby in this blog are the clinical signs of what happens if a newborn with a disorder like MCAD Deficiency does not get enough calories frequently enough. Read about this particular disorder here:
https://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/diseases/540/medium-chain-acyl-coenzyme-a-dehydrogenase-deficiency
I truly empathize and grieve your loss. I can’t imagine that pain.
My heart goes out to you. I would think a law suit is in order. This was NOT YOUR FAULT! Most medical people know what they are doing, so why would you do anything unless they told you? I didn’t nurse my babies. I was afraid with the first one, and the second, they wouldn’t allow me to, because I’d had a spot of blood come out of one a yr or so before. They both did fine with only the bottle. My older son is 6’4″ tall, 46 yrs old and very active playing sports with his children. None of his four were breast fed either. A mother should always have the choice to bottle or breast feed. That was wrong. GOD Bless you. You have my deepest sympathies for your loss.??
I am so sorry for your loss. You are a good mother and I pray you feel that and someday, you can feel better about what happened to your baby boy. He knows you loved him and he does not blame you! I had my baby in 2015 and didn’t know what to expect. C-section as well and when they brought her to me to start feeding, it was so weird!! I am large chested, so honestly, breastfeeding was never really enjoyable for me. I tried the best I could, had great help from my nurses, but while in hospital, she just wouldn’t gain much weight. I was asked about giving her a bit of formula, to tide her over and maybe help her (and us) sleep. Now, I am not an expert. I believe in naturopathy and Chinese medicine, I was terrified my milk wouldn’t come in and I really did not want to give my baby formula. But seeing her not eating and being around nurses, some of whom were also mothers, I agreed whole-heartedly to give her some formula. The nurses even had to be sneaky about it because the pediatrician would be mad! We gave her 3 maybe 4 small helpings of formula and she seemed better. When we met with the pediatrician for the “go home checkup” she made a snide comment about the formula and I was so ready to be out of there!!! We live an hour from doctors and stores, so we bought some formula on our way home in case my milk went away or our baby wasn’t eating enough. We prepared ourselves, despite what the “doctors” said. Our baby was only breastfed after that, and only until 11 months. We were going on a trip, baby-less, and I wanted to make sure she took a bottle well before we left. She took so well to milk (goat milk for her, I don’t have a good relationship with dairy and wasn’t about to pass it onto my baby!) and we went away not worrying if she was eating or not. I don’t share all this to brag or make you feel bad. I too was told NO formula, even with a baby who had lost “too much weight” after birth….I agree, breast is best, but what people who coined the phrase don’t realize it not all breasts cooperate with the need for the darn milk!!! I understand some mothers feel bad or not good enough if their milk doesn’t come in. I just wish it was understood more and people would mind their own damn business. Whem my husband was a baby, in the late 70s, his mother was not told ANYTHING about breastfeeding, his mom had no idea. When my friend had a baby 20 years ago, she wasnt told then, either. Again, you did everything you could, with all the love you had. Thank you for sharing this story, I cried and smiled, he was a cute baby and again, very loved. Never doubt yourself and please know that you did your best. You kept feeding him, you called 911 and he knows that he was well loved.
Hi Jillian,
Your story has really touched me and I am so sorry for your loss… you werent to know what would happen to Landon and only wanted what was best for him.
I cannot imagine what you have been through.
It is easy to look back in hindsight but do not blame yourself.
Thinking of you and your family xxx
I read you’re story and the video is beautiful and so is Landon ❤ my eyes filled with tears my heart breaks for you and Landon’s daddy. new moms do need to be maid aware ! Fed is best !
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Jillian. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it was hard, but I know that you will likely help other moms avoid the grief you are feeling. Thank you for sharing these sweet memories of your darling Landon. He will never, ever be forgotten.
I am so sorry for your loss. What a heartbreaking story. I’m so glad you have the courage to share your story with others so that this doesn’t happen anyone. I think back to when I had my children and I would’ve never known either. Prayers and love for your family
This is so saddening . For a new mum to take in . And i think the hospital were at fault . They should of explained to mum n dad the dangers . I remember when i had my first baby . I was so naive i didnt know wot to du . But with help from my mum i got through it all . Hospitals should take proper care and make sure baby is taking food in b4 letting go home .
I am so glad I read this. I always think I did something wrong because my newborn was crying nonstop the night she was born and I knew I didn’t have any milk yet. The hospital told me that I didn’t need to supplement because my milk would eventually come in. I felt so bad for her tho because she just wasn’t getting anything at all. Finally the next day my husband said we wouldn’t let this go on any longer and that we needed to get some supplements. I’m so glad he did because she was so happy after that. My milk never fully came in so even after I nursed her I always had to supplement. Then around 6 weeks I had no milk really so she went on a bottle full time. Looking back, I’m glad I did what I did, but still wonder if things would be different had we not stood up to them and demanded supplements.
I was an OB nurse for 40 yrs and this is just a tragic example of
“the lactation police”. Not every mother wants to or can breast feed.This is her .baby and her choice. Women, this is your decision. Sometime it’s better to give a bottle instead of having a miserable guilty mother who sometimes thinks to herself “Why did I have this baby? It’s too bad that not one staff member advocated for that mom and baby.!~Sometimes I wonder if members of the medical profession lose all common sense when they start practicing (not just physicians but especially nurses One of the nurses’ most important jobs is to advocate for your patients. If you are afraid to confront a physician, go to your manager.
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Thank you for your reply. I could have been this mother. My son had trouble latching properly because he was a little early. I didn’t even know about the polycystic ovary syndrome causing low milk production, but my milk never came in properly either. My son lost 14 ounces because I didn’t realize that he wasn’t nursing properly. Like the story above I was made to feel that if he was producing diapers he was fine. I finally had one nurse come into my room to check how he was sucking and she informed me that he was suckling properly. After that I pumped what I could and I supplimented with formula. I had a lactation specialist make me feel as if I was doing something wrong but my baby was not doing well. He was also starting to become jaundiced. Had it not been for the one nurse who cared enough to check my son may have had a more tragic fate.
I could have been this mother, too, and this story brings back such terror. Here’s our story (written on Facebook when I shared this story):
“…the best advice I was given by one of his NICU doctors while he was on life support is sure breast is best, but follow with the bottle.
This way you know your baby has eaten enough….if only I could go back in time.”
Reading this article was terrifying about what could have been.
Because this is very near our story.
G had a good first day, but by the second day he was crying and nursing constantly. I asked questions; I told the nurses he seemed hungry all the time; I even got a nurse late into the night because I was concerned he wasn’t getting anything. She had me pump and looked at the colostrum I produced and said it looked like enough; we bottle fed what I pumped so it wasn’t wasted. I was given the same answers this mother was: he was just cluster feeding. His diaper output and his weight loss all fit the norm.
We were sent home the third day. G cried all night that night. I noticed his lips were chapped and I asked my sister and sister-in-law, who is a nurse, if I should be concerned. They both thought it was probably just new baby skin adjusting to the world. By noon of the next day he hadn’t had any wet diapers; we called his pediatrician. She sent us right to the hospital and to a lactation consultant.
He had lost 14% of his birth weight and the lactation consultant said if we hadn’t brought him in when we did we would have had a lethargic baby very soon. The chapped lips were a sign of dehydration. She was extremely concerned.
Our baby was starving.
We immediately put him on formula. We did syringe feeding to aid later breastfeeding. But it took a full week for my milk to come in, and even then, it came in slowly. Without formula, G would be dead.
We continued to supplement with formula any time he finished nursing and still seemed hungry. We weren’t taking any chances.
We weren’t in a “baby friendly” hospital, meaning they weren’t opposed to bottle feeding if it were necessary or desired by the mother.
In fact, the morning following my hemorrhage, as I was surrounded by medical personnel trying to get my blood pressure up, the nurse asked if I wanted to try to nurse him while they were working or if we wanted to give him a bottle. My husband opted to give him a bottle. Admittedly, I was worried about it interfering with breastfeeding, as the books and the experts say will happen, but I wasn’t in a good position to object. I remember watching Philip feed him while nurses surrounded me. Now I wonder if we weren’t very, very lucky we opted for that bottle. It got some food in his belly. It was probably the reason his first day was good and he didn’t begin the continuous crying and feeding until day 2.
The worst part is that I KNEW. But, like the first-time mother in this story, I was told everything was normal and to be expected. I’ve dealt with some anger that the medical personnel didn’t put the pieces together: I had a c-section followed by a hemorrhage. I was a great risk for low milk production. It would have been nice to receive the advice given above and been told it was okay and it wasn’t going to hurt my baby. It is being told it can interfere with latch – that it can make the baby lazy and not want to nurse – that makes mothers afraid to give bottles.
I still see posts from people who are militant about exclusive breastfeeding and make statements that use judgmental language about those who don’t. I’m sure they think they are doing the right thing, but those statements don’t help.
If you think your baby isn’t getting enough to eat, give him a bottle. It’s better than starvation.
#fedisbest
Thank you. As a childcare provider who works with new mom’s a lot, I see many of them struggle with what to do. I tell them if they can, and want to, by all means breastfeed. But…to remember the 2 main purposes of feeding your child. First, obviously, is to nourish the child. Second, is to bond with the child. Both of these objectives can be met with bottle feeding, as well as breastfeeding feeding. I was not physically able to breastfeed (I tried with the first, but at 6 weeks of age he had not regained his birth weight). He cried all the time. Thank goodness I had enough milk that he lived. He was a much more content child after I started bottle feeding. Today he is nearly 35 and extremely intelligent! His brother is almost 34, and he, too, turned out just fine!
Thank you for sharing this story. When my older 2 children were born I was encouraged to breastfeed and so I did. When my son was born in 08 he had complications latching so we struggled with that and the nurses have him formula. Fast forward to Aug 31, 2016 when my youngest was born. I wanted so bad to breastfeed. My son was having trouble latching due to upper lip and tongue ties which they wouldnt fix. My milk also wouldn’t come in. He cried all the time and stayed on the breast. When the nurses checked him they said he was fine. He had dirty diapers but no wet diapers. We were discharged the very next day with still no wet diaper. By friday, my LO was crying non-stop to no prevail of the breast and only 1 wet diaper. I took him to urgent care pediatrics and voiced my concern. His bilirubin levels were high, he had only wet yet 2 diapers since Wednesday, and he was still crying non-stop. The Dr said he was dehydrated and to give him supplements until I could pump and get my milk to come in. My colostrum still had to come and hadn’t. So I was ordered to pump every hour and in between pumping to put my son on one breast while pumping so my body could use his saliva to help with production. If I hadn’t gone to the dr he wouldn’t be here today.
I am so sorry for your loss. Fed is Best in any situation as long as your baby is receiving the nutrients it needs to grow.
I am so sorry that you had to go through all this.
I am so sorry for your loss. As a Certified Lactation Educator and Mother-Baby RN, I felt your pain as I read this. I thank you for sharing, and hope that in some way, you find peace knowing you are helping others. You are a great mom…Continue to love.
As a Nicu nurse do you how many times I have had to advocate for the baby against the moms who refuse to supplement even when we have given them all the knowledge about delayed breast milk or breasts that just don’t produce milk? All of the time. I understand some places are more strict than others. I had one mom wait until the 4th after the blood sugar was low, the percent weight loss was past 10%, and the baby was one day four of screaming. I used the SMS system to deliver formula to the baby. It isn’t just the hospital refusing to educate or refusing to allow the baby to supplement, it is also the other way around, more often than not
I understand that not all hospitals and nurses are like in the above story, but “as a NICU nurse, you’d think that you’d have enough compassion for the author somewhere in your rant to at least offer her condolences. Regardless of anecdotal stories, both hers and your own, the goal of this piece is obviously to promote Fed Is Best, not to providean exposé of hospital employees. Hope off your soap box and give some sympathy.
Aren’t like*
As an ex NICU nurse I agree with you there are a percentage of mum’s (usually the ‘highly educated’) who refuse to supplement. But I feel that is because:
a) they have read all the research (bumf!) about breast is best and feel that they should follow this.
b) If they bottle feed they are made to feel a failure by the midwives.
When breast is best first came in, I spoke out against it at a number of conferences (my manager joked about midwives throwing tomatoes at me because of it). But as a NICU nurse I felt strongly for the mothers (particularly with premature babies) who felt the guilt for their child being born to soon. Then, to have midwives making them feel more guilt if they even considered supplement/bottle feeding was beyond my comprehension of caring!!!
Despite what midwives and research say, breast feeding does NOT come naturally to everyone and as research has shown it is also not necessarily the best and only way forward. I am now retired, but I am so happy to see that finally women have the support systems to allow them to use their own judgement as a mother and say ‘I am going to feed my baby the way I want to and feel is best for them and for me’.
Would you be willing to join our team Glenise?
Well done for catching that, nurse. I am so glad you were able to work on your own initiative, and deal with the seriousness of the situation. God Bless you.
I know it’s difficult but never blame yourself. This could happen to any first time mum. Similar advice was given to me when my baby was crying nonstop. I was so tired I couldn’t think straight and went along with the advice they gave. Luckily, a different midwife a couple of days later picked up on it or it could’ve been the same ending. Good on you for sharing, people are not born with the knowledge, we have to trust the people doing this everyday but with your story in the back of their mind, people will question the experts more readily.
I am so sorry for your loss. How tragic that agendas and arrogance got in the way of advocating for the most vulnerable party in the equation, the newborn child. This wasn’t your fault. You gave your trust to those whose sacred duty it was to do no harm, to encourage and guide you at perhaps the most important time in a mother’s life, and they failed you. I can’t imagine how hard it must be, and I wish you peace and renewed joy with all my heart. And you are making a real difference. When I become a mother I will not hesitate to give formula to my baby if his health is otherwise in danger. Now I know some signs to look for, and that (sadly) agenda-pushing medical staff can’t always be trusted.
I am so very sorry to hear of this outcome. I have had experience with both the breast is best philosophy and the vbac/anti c-section camps that has me very wary of all the natural and anti intervention philosophies to be honest. Nothing with the tragic outcome this case had. But harmful effects from the utterly brainwashing attitudes of the “best for baby” brigades.
With VBAC I learned that is was the “system” and dodgy drs trying to force me to have another c-section, that my first emergency c-section for pelvic insufficiency was sure to be wrongly decided, and that it was best and safest and all around the ONLY right thing to do, to push for a c-section. I did, and ultimately I had to have another c-section. Instead of it being a routine if not happy occasion, I had panic attacks during the procedure, and pnd for failing my child and my body.
Then breastfeeding, I was told with my failed vbac child I had sufficient milk, even though it was incredibly minimal. BF was long, distressing, and my child was losing weight, but apparently latch was ok and milk was ok – neither seemed ok to me, nor did my child, she was losing weight for no reason well over and above expected loss in the first few days, and they kept us in 10 days (checking for maternal competence as a reason for my child doing so poorly, and doing tests to see if there was some illness making her so poorly)only to release us with her still not stablised with a referral to a lactation consultant. consultant said all ok. we fed and fed and fed. she struggled and seemed sick and barely responsive, i was sick from the constant feeding and worry because even with pumping my supply was pathetic and my baby was still not responding to us, was not maintaining weight and was having to be woken for feeds and re-woken for every suck (I know this is opposite to whats written in the piece but I think my baby did not have the energy from food to even wake to take food, she was getting enough to survive, with weight loss, but not enough to be awake). we were both exhausted when at 2 months i downed tools and put her on the bottle. within a day she was responsive to people and a much more normal baby.. The hospital and the lactation consultant all knew I’d had a breast reduction 10 years before I had the baby. They did NOT tell me this removes the tissue that produces the fats a baby uses for fuel. My breasts had grown back bigger in them years but you can not replace the specific fat producing tissues taken during a reduction. Breast feeding was being so pushed, the fact my baby wasn’t getting what she needed was secondary to the “importance of breast”. It was in part the staffs fault (inc a paediatrician, maternity nurses and the lactation consultant) and in part my own obsessive brainwashed belief in the natural anti intervention crap. She has developmental delays and I will never know what role that first 2 months played.
These days when I hear a woman saying she wants a home birth, or anything else that is from that philosophy, my heart races. I wanted a home birth with my first child and couldnt because a severe bleed from a poorly placed placenta made us high risk. Had I tried a home birth, my first child and probably myself, would have died. Between the pelvic insufficiency and the cord round her neck that was putting her in distress by the time of the c/s.. we were screwed had I stayed home.
I get it, we all want whats best for our babies. But instead of researching based on the advice of naturalist/anti interventists philosophies. Research based on the death rates of mothers and babies during labour and death or poor outcomes for babies in the first month after birth, and how those rates have changed over the last 200 years, since 1) Hospitals, 2) milk substitutes
Same goes for immunisations. Ignore the naysayers. Send them some tin foil for their heads. Use modern medicine.
And even as for maternity wards in hospitals… I have 3 children now. 1 born in 96, 1 born in 2004 and 1 born in 2006. 3 hospital stays to have 3 babies. In terms of bottle sanitation, in 1996 you essentially had to steep the bottles in bleach (milton) to be doing the right thing, in 2004 the staff were absolute, you had to steam clean them… and in 2006 the exact opposite was true, do not bleach or steam clean the bottles, was with tap waters only. They are equally as susceptible to trends. Each time, the maternity ward staff taught the art of bottle care as if that current version was 100% absolute. Goodness knows what their advice is now. Its very hard for new mums to figure out right from wrong. But I can say the anti vbac pro breast movement went too far for sure.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was unable to breastfeed due to many medical complications and medicine and I desperately wanted to breastfeed and to this day I am so angry with the problems I had and wish I had been able to breastfeed my son. But reading your story helped me realize that I might have had a similar issue and my son would not be here had I been able to breastfeed because the women in my family have had benign cysts in glands. It never occurred to me that I would or could have a problem with that until now. The nurses should have helped you more and been willing to try other options and find or help you find solutions. God bless you. My prayers are with you.
This story touched me deeply. I admire you so much for going through such an incredibly heart-wrenching time in your life and having the courage to share it with the world and make a positive impact. Without knowing you personally, I am so unbelievably proud of you for having the courage to let other moms or future moms know about the dangers and complications associated with breastfeeding insufficiency. I hope that you can live your life in peace because you deserve to, and thank you so much for sharing this. I wish you and your family all the best in your journey. -Harmony
Yes, breast milk is best, but sometimes it just won’t happen, and then the bottle is the best thing,nature sometimes makes mistakes, I was lucky to be able to breastfeed all three of my kids, and they are now all adults but my heart breaks for you, I’m so very sorry this happened to you and your beautiful baby boy Landon……
I’m confused… I’m so so sorry for your loss. Did he pass at 10 months old?? Did the pediatrician not pick up on his weight loss/dehydration?
He passed at almost 3 weeks old. The 10 months includes that time in the womb.
I am so sorry for your loss. I believe none of this was your fault! Doctor and nurse negligence.
I am an OB nurse but have worked in the NICU for 2 years and as a mother of a child who was failure to thrive because of poor milk transfer, I am so sorry for your loss. Although many hospitals do promote Baby Friendly, it is first and foremost important that baby gets the nutrition they need whether it be from breastmilk and/or formula. Most hospitals are aware and provide education on formula feeding. Majority of mothers that do have breastmilk but not a sufficient amount supplement with formula. It is very disappointing to hear hospitals deny a baby supplemention and miss the signs of starvation.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I imagine it may have been difficult to do but truly believe it will save lives of other little babes. I shared it with others because people really need to hear this message. So sorry for your loss of beautiful little Landon.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your story tho. I’m sure it will help some mothers realize that breastfeeding is not the only way to go. Bottle feeding is fine. I bottle fed both of mine and they are very healthy adults now.
In my opinion there’s way too much pressure put on mothers to breasfeed. God bless you!
My son, my one and only could not could not latch properly due to lip and tongue ties. I was still lost from epidural and never experiencing birth before, some nurses helped some made me feel like I was complaining too much about my son crying. The Lactation nurse didn’t pick up on the short tongue and neither the 3 different doctors who visited. I cried along with my son. I remember saying to myself , his tongue was short, but there was no one to hear me. He became jaundice and I was told I needed to feed him more . Thank God to the nurse on my discharge day who gave me formula, we were able to go home on time and breast and bottle feed until I hired a private Lactation nurse 2 weeks later who referred to a surgeon to cut those ties. I’ll always remember her. I was able to exclusively breastfeed thereafter. I’m so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how you feel, but let me tell you it’s not your fault. As you can see from the comments, many moms go through things like this especially as first time moms. Some stuff we will never be fully prepared for, we learn and do better next time. God bless!
This is so unacceptable with all the medical advances we have today and the knowledge…..I hope you sued the crap out of this hospital cause what they did was neglectful. You and your poor boy. I’m so sorry you had to go thru this.
I too have had to supplement all of my babies cause my milk wasn’t enough. I felt guilt with each one cause of this stupid breast is best stigma being pushed on women. Alive is best. Luckily I can look at my baby girl who will be 5 soon and see that formula didn’t kill her when she only breastfed for 2 weeks. She’s a perfectly healthy child. And she’s alive. That’s what matters, right?
So sorry again you had to go thru this. Blessings and prayers.
God bless you and your husband. I am so sorry for your unfortunate experience. I am very glad you have another child. May God bless you all
First, I am sorry for loss. I too had trouble producing milk (seems to be a family history) and when baby #3 came, I still had lactation consultants coming in telling me I needed to breastfeed. Thank you for speaking out and telling your story.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Brandon. You are so right that we mothers have to be the advocate for our babies whether they are newborns or fully grown adults. My daughter died at age 29 yr old leaving twin boys who were only 6 yrs old at her death. She died from sepsis complications and I am a nurse and I didn’t advocate enough for her. I live every day with the sorrow and guilt of not pushing harder at the first hospital.
I am crying as I type and my heart breaks for you and all the mothers who have lost their children to preventable issues.
You a brave mama and no one can judge you more than you have already done for something you didn’t know about.
Thank you for sharing. I know God has his plans but I don’t understand and I know I will never until I get to heaven.
You will hold your little Landon again. Hugs to you .and love for your willingness to share your heartbreaking story.
This is heartbreaking. But being a parent to 4 children, 3 of which were breastfed, I am dumbfounded by the lack of awareness that your child was not getting enough milk. Dumbfounded by the doctors and nurses that did not see it. Dumbfounded by the excuses. This seems to be a senseless loss of life by a group of people that all couldn’t see one simple problem, especially after almost 3 full days.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I was in a similar situation, but my son was quite chubby when he was born and a wise doctor caught it when he waa 4 days old. We spent a week in the hospital, but were able to take our son home. The guilt and shame I felt was horrible. I so appreciate you helping women in know and understand that truly Fed is Best. May God bless you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Landon was beautiful. Such an important post, thank you for sharing and educating xx
Gloat much??…You seriously think this is helpful to someone carrying all that guilt?? Jeesh….
While our circumstances were different, I also had to hold my baby while he took his last breath. Not something anyone should ever have to go through!hugs xoxo
As a newly qualified midwife about to enter my own practice I am VERY grateful for your story shared with such intelligence and deep love. I will take your words into my practice and always remember your little lad. Much love and thanks to you xxx
I’m so so sorry for your loss ☹️?
I am so sorry for your loss, but thank you so much for sharing. I do not yet have children, but I hope to. I will remember the story of you and little Landon, and will be sure to question anything that doesn’t seem right. You and Landon are making a difference for other moms, dads, and babies out there. Please know that, although your beautiful baby’s life was far, far too short, he will help save countless others. Thank you, again, for your courage in sharing your story. Love and healing for you and your family.
Its not your fault, being a first time mommy Everything is new to you. I’m so so sorry for your lose I can’t even imagine how you must feel expecially around birthday and holidays my heart goes out to you an your family
I’m so sorry mama. You wonderful mama trying to do everything right. It should not be so difficult. So guilt ridden. That said…take heed all you who ‘breast is beast formula be damned’ practicing people reading this. There is not ONE right way. There are many right ways. Stop guilting mothers into thinking there is one way, so they do not starve their babies. We love your baby no matter how he or she is fed. God bless you mom.
Thank you so much posting about your experience. I’m only about 10 weeks, this is my 3rd child and I haven’t been successful with breastfeeding with my first two(8 & 6 yrs old). This time I was determined to do breastfeeding only & that’s the reason I end up reading this article. & now I feel more knowledgeable to recognize the signs that breastfeeding may not be working & knowing the risks that can cause if the child does not receive enough milk supply. I feel that you are angel sent because your story will save many other babies. God bless you & may he continues to strength you!
I’m so sad, I’m at a loss for words. So sorry for your loss! God bless you all and may Landon rest in peace. <3
Being a mom to two preemies, both who had jaundice, one with autism, the other with mental health issues, I am so glad we chose bottle after all the stress my body went through, and still goes throu, 14 hpyears later. Netsuke and the Lactose free similar were amazing for my girls.
I was a NICU nurse for 35 years. Over the years I saw many babies come in with dehydration, jaundice, etc-all the signs of problems with feeding. I had many “discussions” with lactation specialists regarding the whole subject of “baby friendly”. I am not convinced that baby friendly units are baby friendly at all. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for your loss of baby Landon. You are very brave. Landon was very lucky to have had you for his mommy
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁
I just had a little one 2/10. I wanted to breastfeed so bad since I didn’t try hard enough with my first. She was born healthy with 9/9 APGAR and needed no nicu. 24 hours after trying to breastfeed I noticed she was hardly sleeping between “feedings” and we were deprived of sleep. I voiced my concern of her not getting anything and worried since she was born 37 weeks that I haven’t produced milk yet. It took nearly 4 days with my first and he was born 39 weeks. They kept pushing me to keep trying and assured that she is getting something.
I was ready to be discharged 2 days later but then the pediatrician denied hers because she had not peed much and was slightly jaundice. She went from 7lbs to 6lbs 3 oz. Made me feel aweful as my husband and I were pushing to get supplements and they wouldn’t the day before. So we had to stay another night for them to monitor her after we finally were given formula. Thankfully she slept so much better and is so much happier. It’s sad when we look for guidance and our voices aren’t heard.
#feedisbest
As a mother and a nurse with 20 years experience in maternal child field including L& D postpartum and nursery as well, my heart goes out to you and your family. I have seen this happen and have never fully agreed with the new formula policies at ” baby friendly ” units. Yes I do agree that beast is best most of the time but as with everything in this life, there are very few situations that go the way they are supposed to. Especially when it comes to a baby. I applaud you for bringing to light such a painful experience. Thank you for sharing and being so that others might avoid the same tragedy. When I taught expectant parents in preparatory classes before delivery this was always a discussion that everyone was interested in. When parents would say” But a bottle will interfere with breastfeeding.” My reply was always “Yes, it possibly can, but when your baby is hydrated you will have a healthy baby to continue to work on breastfeeding. I have always been an advocate of”fed is best”. I will keep you, Landon and you family in my prayers As I have for all the little angels that have touched my heart. God bless you.
I am so sorry. God Bless and thank you for informing others.
I have just had twins and a nurse told me because they were early there tummies wouldn’t cope with formula after we had planed formula as my milk wasn’t leaking yet so new after a plan section it wasn’t going to just appear! So panicking about what will they eat after the section the nicu nurse said you have max 1hour after birth to decide but she suggested formula for now as I had nothing I was so confused I thought they couldn’t have it. Good job she was there my milk didn’t come in until 3 weeks after my section and I kept them on formula because they were doing so well no point changing them now. So sorry for you loss it isn’t your fault if your given bad information ?
This is heartbreaking. When my first child John was born I was encouraged to ‘keep trying’ with the breast feeding even though I kept telling the nurses I knew hew wasn’t getting anything. I had never leaked whilst I was pregnant and even when a nurse tried to express my milk nothing came out. Thankfully I was given water and bottles to ‘top him up’. On the fourth day, after many tears, I decided to put him on the bottle. At least I knew he was now being fed but I believe all the messing about caused him to have colic and was crying/screaming every two hours day and night. This continued for 3 1/2 months. As a new mother I was terrified taking him home. I was so confused with all the different advice that it would have been easy to slip into depression. Fortunately I have a wonderful husband to support me. When I had my second son Paul a few years later he went straight on the bottle. They are both strapping 30+ year olds now. My heart goes out to you. Bless you and your little one. XXXX
Hi we waited almost three years before we had a baby BTW I’m a nurse and did not practice due to my personal reasons and I need to share about my experience on breastfeeding advocacy. My Son born last feb 15 2017 he weighed 3.45 lbs he was strong and lovely when I see him in NICU. after 6 hrs he was transferred to our room with my wife having a Cesarian Section it was a painful and my wife can’t move on the first day. The hospital is on breasfeeding so nurses and my wife gave him a breastfeed it was a good latch and they called it “good suck”. I trust them they were the professionals but I ask them how can you sure that my son have enough milk or he get milk to my wife? they pinch my wife nipple and it have a 1 drop of milk, they said she have a milk but I think is not enough. 2 days past plent of black poop and diapers used we notice red stain on his diaper. We consult this to our pedia and she request for CBC, Urine Analysis, ultrasound and culture and we found out that my son have a severe UTI at birth. That night he didn’t gave us any sleep and he cried all night, we watched his temperature fluctuating fron 37.5-38 which is not normal and having a hyperthermia for newborn. So I asked the nurse “did you have any intervention” they said that TSB or tepid sponge bath and I do it and keeps him clean, well clothed and in warm temperature. I saw his dry lips and pale skin, My wife started to cry and I almost cry seeing our son crying with a hoarse voice. I started to panic and go to the nurse station but they said that I need to wait for the doctor’s order and she is not giving any formula. Finally 6am in the morning he gave him 2 antibiotics IV for 7 days ampicillin and amikacin, his urine slightly red with a blood residue clot, his result urine are pus cell is 500 and bacteria is 250 the normal is 11. From 9pm that night until 3pm afternoon almost 18 hrs my son did’nt have any sleep and cry most of the time and I over reacted saying that my son is having dehydration and I feel it. I can’t imagine my round cute face son became dry and pale, so I go to doctor’s office eventhough I know that the doctor is not there requesting to give me a formula for my son because he is hungry and thirsty, we dont have any sleep my wife need to recover, she stand sit without hesitating that her suture may open just to care for our son. They called her again for almost 4 times, maybe she is pissed with me and gave me a formula called similac. Me and my mother who almost cry seeing her last grandson weak cry for almost 18 hrs buy the formula and gave it to our son 30ml in two feeding to avoid stomach complications. He suck like a man who did not eaten for a week, I saw my son he is suffering from hunger that is the time that I realize I did good for him. we completed the antibiotics and continue with bottlefeeding and mixing it with breastfeed if my wife have a pumped milk. he is 10 days now and strong baby, he cries loudly when need milk and he sleep a lot!
“BREASTMILK IS BEST FOR BABIES BUT THEY DID NOT SAY FORMULA OR BOTTLEFEED IS BAD FOR BABIES” breastfeeding advocacy is good because the baby gets the colostrum and antibodies from mother but if the mother dont have a milk and not enough because not all mother have milk after pregnancy so it’s better for us to think “NO TO DEHYDRATION FOR BABIES”. prevention is better than cure, maybe they should include bottle feed as a secondary for feeding to avoid dehydration.
God bless you and your little angel always.
I am so sad to read this tragic story. I had problems feeding my first child. He cried all the time too. I gave up on breastfeeding, to the disgust of everyone around me(I had ‘failed’). Tried again with the second. She slept 20 hours out of every 24. She ended up in hospital dehydrated and underfed too. The third child I had never had one single breastfeed! I simply refused! We all were being pressured into breastfed is best. I made sure other mum’s, especially first time mums, were aware that these problems exist. It wasn’t appreciated of course by the ‘experts’, but your tragedy shows I was right to tell them. I do hope you can get over the guilt you feel. You truly have none. Good luck ? with your future family.
Thank you for sharing. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been. I have no doubt you gave London every thing you could have given the circumstances. How brave you are!
Thank you for telling your experience. Through your profound loss and incredible strength for making your experience known, you are helping to educate new families and medical professionals. I am an ER nurse. I might not have picked up on breast milk insufficiency. Yes, we learn a major amount covering each stage in life, but unless you are specialized in Mother/Baby or NICU one might not have thought of milk issues.
I, unlike my brothers, was not breastfed for very long. My maternal grandfather was gravely ill and passed away one month and one day after I was born. The stress hormones crossing into my mother’s breast milk were making me ill and my parents had to switch me to being bottlefed. I have never asked them for exact details of what happened, but now I will.
Again, thank you for sharing. Your strength through loss is astounding! Being able to share your experience WILL help other infants and families. And, will help to inform other healthcare professionals.