I Shared My Story a Year Ago And I Was Told To Go Kill Myself – How I Am Healing

By Mandy Dukovan, MS, MFT, Marriage and Family Therapist, Fed is Best Foundation Senior Advisor

It’s incredibly hard to put into words all the things that The Fed Is Best Foundation has done for me over the past year.  I stumbled upon the Foundation when I noticed a friend of mine “liked” one of their blog posts. I was a first-time mom who was struggling with many different feelings and wasn’t sure who or where to turn to. My son was two months at the time and was just beginning to thrive after I began supplementing him with formula. While I was so happy to see my baby finally gaining weight and thriving, I had haunting memories and raw emotions that I struggled to sort out. I had immense guilt that I didn’t see the signs that my baby was hungry, which tortured me non-stop. I was embarrassed to look at his 1-month picture and now see that he was obviously malnourished, but how on earth did I miss this at the time?

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1 Month Old

I was angry that I didn’t follow my instincts that something was wrong with him and was angry that I believed all the terrible things I was told by lactivists that would happen to him if I gave him a drop of formula. I worried that we would not have the kind of bond that babies who were exclusively breastfed (EBF) experienced with their mothers. I now know our bond is much stronger because we bottle-fed him and no longer experienced the immense stress that came each time I tried to breastfeed my baby. I got to a point where I dreaded even trying to breastfeed him, but I was told that was the best thing I could do for my baby, so I kept going at the expense of my baby’s health and my well-being. I honestly believed I was the only mother who had experienced what we went through because I only heard the stories about how amazing and natural breastfeeding was, and every mother could breastfeed if only she tried hard enough.

Since I am a therapist, I knew I needed to share my story. I found courage in my strong desire for other babies and mothers not to struggle. I also found courage in the fact that I needed a reason for all of the suffering—I needed to know that Brock’s struggle was not in vain. I kept telling myself, “If I reach even one mother and prevent even one baby from suffering like Brock, then I have to do this.”  

 

Then I shared my story… Continue reading

I Found Breastfeeding Success In The Fed Is Best Support Group

I have been praised in pro-breastfeeding groups for my tenacity.  For overcoming overwhelming odds.  For persisting when others would have “given up.” Along the way there were people who told me that I should just feed formula, that I should just stop breastfeeding because of the horrible experiences I was having, but I honestly thought those people were just misinformed.  I never thought that formula was bad, horrible, or poison, but I honestly thought that I should keep going.  It wasn’t until I broke down crying in front of my midwife with my second child, my second bout of severe PPD, and my second struggle to breastfeed (26 months into my parenting journey) that a medical professional or breastfeeding support person told me that my mental health was more important for my child than my milk. And I don’t think I will ever forget that moment. Continue reading

Remembering Landon On World Pregnancy And Infant Loss Day: Just One Bottle

By Jillian Johnson

Dear Sweet Angel Landon,

I am so sorry you were failed by the unethical exclusive breastfeeding protocol of the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative. Every health care professional that took care of you in the hospital was taught the same universal BFHI  breastfeeding education curriculum and they failed you.

I now know the curriculum is outdated, unethical and is harming babies all over the world.  I promise you Landon, my sweet angel, I will never stop telling your story so that no other baby will suffer and die needlessly because of a dangerous public health breastfeeding policy.  I won’t shrink back and will continue educating new mothers for all of the other babies who have also suffered because their families were silenced.

I still have many, many days of guilt and questions – what if I would’ve just given you a bottle of formula?   But I didn’t know.  I listened to everyone in the hospital who told me your non-stop crying was normal.  I still struggle daily, feeling as though I failed you.

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You gave me ten of the most incredible life-changing months. I’ve been humbled and challenged. My relationships have fallen apart; some have come back together. I’ve learned forgiveness, and the true meaning of “life is short.” I love hard – to a fault. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing your death was in vain.

Today your short life story will be remembered by more than just me.  And soon enough every mother will know your story and will recognize that crying non-stop after breastfeeding indicates their baby is crying out for milk. Hopefully, they will supplement their babies, despite being told not to.

 

 Even if only one of the professional hospital staff had recognized the critical hunger cues of non-stop crying and helped us supplement, you would still be alive today.

 

 

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 We love you to the moon and back,

Mommy, Daddy, and your sisters.


 


http://fedisbest.org/legal-consultation-on-breastfeeding-complication-resulting-in-disability/

Complications from the Baby-Friendly Protocol

Nurses Are Speaking Out About The Dangers Of The Baby-Friendly Health Initiative

WHO 2017 Revised Guidelines Provide No Evidence to Justify Exclusive Breastfeeding Rule While Evidence Supports Supplemented Breastfeeding

Pediatrician and Other Physician Views on the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative

FAQs Part 2: Does The Fed Is Best Foundation Believe All Exclusively Breastfed Babies Need Supplementation?

Information for Hospitals: Ensuring Safety for Breastfed Newborns

Fed is Best Statement to the USDA Regarding the Harms of the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative


National Women’s Health Advocate Describes How A Baby-Friendly Hospital Starved Her Baby

 

HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT FED IS BEST

There are many ways you can support the mission of the Fed is Best Foundation. Please consider contributing in the following ways:

  1. Join us in any of the Fed is Best volunteer and advocacy, groups. Click here to join our health care professionals group. We have FIBF Advocacy Group, Research Group, Volunteer Group, Editing Group, Social Media Group, Legal Group, Marketing Group, Perinatal Mental Health Advocacy Group, Private Infant Feeding Support Group, Global Advocacy Group, and Fundraising Group.    Please send an email to Jody@fedisbest.org  if you are interested in joining any of our volunteer groups. 
  2. If you need infant feeding support, we have a private support group– Join us here.
  3. If you or your baby were harmed from complications of insufficient breastfeeding please send a message to contact@fedisbest.org 
  4. Make a donation to the Fed is Best Foundation. We are using funds from donations to cover the cost of our website, our social media ads, our printing and mailing costs to reach health providers and hospitals. We do not accept donations from breast- or formula-feeding companies and 100% of your donations go toward these operational costs. All the work of the Foundation is achieved via the pro bono and volunteer work of its supporters.
  5. Sign our petition!  Help us reach our policymakers, and drive change at a global level. Help us stand up for the lives of millions of infants who deserve a fighting chance.   Sign the Fed is Best Petition at Change.org  today, and share it with others.
  6. Share the stories and the message of the Fed is Best Foundation through word-of-mouth, by posting on your social media page and by sending our FREE infant feeding educational resources to expectant moms that you know. Share the Fed is Best campaign letter with everyone you know.
  7. Write a letter to your health providers and hospitals about the Fed is Best Foundation. Write to them about feeding complications your child may have experienced.
  8. Print out our letter to obstetric providers and mail them to your local obstetricians, midwives, family practitioners who provide obstetric care and hospitals.
  9. Write your local elected officials about what is happening to newborn babies in hospitals and ask for the legal protection of newborn babies from underfeeding and of mother’s rights to honest informed consent on the risks of insufficient feeding of breastfed babies.
  10. Send us your stories. Share with us your successes, your struggles and everything in between. Every story saves another child from experiencing the same and teaches another mom how to safely feed her baby. Every voice contributes to change.
  11. Send us messages of support. We work every single day to make infant feeding safe and supportive of every mother and child.  Your messages of support keep us all going.
  12.  Shop at Amazon Smile and Amazon donates to Fed Is Best Foundation.

Or simply send us a message to find out how you can help make a difference with new ideas!

For any urgent messages or questions about infant feeding, please do not leave a message on this page as it will not get to us immediately. Instead, please email christie@fedisbest.org.

 Thank you and we look forward to hearing from you!

Click here to join us!

 

Thank you so much from the Founders of the Fed is Best Foundation!

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I Found A Way To Not Only Give My Son Breast Milk, But Also Bond With Him While Feeding Him.

Before my first son was actually born, I had all these goals and plans and expectations. Things rarely happen just as we want them to or plan for them, especially when children are involved.

I intended to breastfeed. Or rather, I intended to breastfeed via direct nursing. That was my plan all along. I never even researched other feeding methods. Everyone said it was going to be beautiful and natural. It was neither for us. 

From the beginning, it did not come naturally for us. And it HURT. I thought for sure once we got home we would settle into that elusive beautiful nursing relationship that everyone talks about. I was wrong. It felt like his gums were sharp and grinding against my nipple with every pull. We saw his doctor, and another doctor at the practice, and a few lactation consultants. Everyone said his latch appeared fine. Every time I fed him, I inwardly cringed. We used a nipple shield. We used different positions. We latched and unlatched. It never came naturally or stopped hurting. Continue reading

Dear Doctors: Just One Bottle Would Have Let Landon See His First Day of Kindergarten

Written by Jillian Johnson

Dear Doctors,

My name is Jillian Johnson and I am speaking to you on behalf of The Fed Is Best Foundation. I am mother to Landon Johnson of Landon’s Legacy. Landon was my firstborn son who died because he was starving while exclusively breastfeeding.

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Today has been a very bittersweet day for me. My littlest babe turned two. And while we celebrated from the moment she awoke to the moment she laid her head down for the night, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. You see, today, my sweet Landon should have started his first day of Kindergarten. I should have been able to make him a special breakfast, pack his backpack, and walk him to his classroom for the first time. I should have been able to meet his teacher and new friends. Today, I should have packed his lunch and left a sweet note like, “You’re going to be amazing today!” But, I do not get to. As I made my daughter her birthday breakfast, my heart ached knowing we have an empty seat at the table that should be filled. As I baked her cake with her older sister, I knew there should be an extra set of hands helping me stir the batter and fight over who got to lick the spoon. I’ve always looked forward to being able to create the “my first day” sign for my children, and as I made Landon’s today, I couldn’t fill in the blanks. So I wrote this letter instead–requesting that medical professionals step up and help fight for change, and support the cause that would have saved my son’s life. Continue reading